How to Meow in Yiddish: Interview With The Big Fella

By Millicent Price

The Everett Clarion Times Revealator

Last week about this time I was approached by a student from one of our local Junior High Schools with a proposition. She had heard from a family member who wanted to speak to the public and the state government about a land related matter. Naturally I was interested.

This is an unusual student. Her human name is Jane Savage. She was a kind of foundling. Six years ago she was seen wandering naked and cold in the trees around the edges of a playground full of school kids during recess break.

The other kids pulled her into the group, wrapping her up in one of their own coats, and brought her to the school office. The upshot of it all was that she was placed as a .foster child with a local couple, the Savages, Ted and Alice Savage. She has been with them for six years and has attended school with their daughter, Molly. She speaks perfect English and wears clothing and has lovely manners. But, she still is in communication with the forest people and will make a perfect interpreter.

We met our interviewee on a beach up north. Jane rode up there with me, MP.

Interview follows:

MP: Hello Jane, good to see you, thanks so much for offering to help!

JS: Of course, Ms. Price, I want to help.

MP: I see you’ve brought your very very impressive friend today! Um, what shall I call him?

JS: Lets use “Big Fella” for now. He doesn’t know what you mean by what to call him.

MP: Okay! Big Fella it is!

JS: The way he thinks about it is, a name is word you use when you want to summon a certain person.

JS for BF: He says when the family calls him they howl “Eeeeloooah”. It carries well in the trees.

MP: What an interesting name! Eeeeloooah ok then! Hello sir! So great to meet you. We’ve heard stories about you, but never actually sat down with one of you! This is nice! Are you comfortable. Is there anything I can give you. How about a Coke, or some bottled tea?

JS: He says he thought it was time and he has an important request to make of mankind, about Snohomish County, WA. Ma’am I don’t think a Coke is a good idea. Fizz kinda freaks him out.

MP: Ok, well just let me know if anything would make him feel more welcome.

I should mention to the readers that the interview took place in an obscure park on Camano Island, which is in Island County, outside of Stanwood. It’s a bit chilly here, but we have our jackets and the Big Fella has his pelt! He seems to like to be near the beach and the trees. We are set up on a picnic table.

JS for BF: He wonders if you have a smoke? He feels he can really relax and talk better if he could have a smoke. Normally he has to loot campers to get any and the pickings have been slim since everybody quit smoking.

MP: Sure, anything he likes. I have a couple of menthol Camels here. Hang on…..ok. Lighter? Or does he use matches?

JS: He knows how lighters work. He watches you guys you know? And it’s so windy here.

MP: OK Eeeeloooah? How’s that? Sorry about the menthol.

Some wuffing and hooting from BF. He gets up and kind of moonwalks around the picnic table and sits back down puffing. He is really big and we are all alone out here with him.

MP: Ok, what’s this all about? Here I am. All ears!

BF: See it’s like this. We want the eastern half of Snohomish County and we want you weirdos to stay out!!

MP: What the hell! You speak English? Since when? You mean this whole interpreter thing was…..

BF: Nah. We just like messing with you guys. I’ve heard so many campfire stories and whispered confessions in bedrooms and loud birthday parties and tv programs through walls that I would have to be a simple primate not to learn the language! Lol

My name is Ralph. Hahahhahhha! Eeeeeloooah! WHooooeee! Whommp!

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MP: So tell me, Ralph, why do your people want to claim the eastern half of Snohomish County? Don’t you have it already mostly? I mean there isn’t much out there but trees and mountains and water.

Here, I have some chips and pop, you big faker. I’m hungry now. You? Hey, I've got Gummi Bears!

I rustle around in my backpack and pull out some bottles and packages. Ralph accepts a bottle of tea and grabs the Cheetos and the whole bag of Gummi Bears. Jane, takes a package of Oreos. I tear into a little bag of Ruffles. Oh boy. No Gummis for me!

Ralph: We’re sick of campers. Tired of Big Foot hunters. We’re ready to make our own city out there and we don’t want to see you guys up there stomping around beating on trees and howling and waking up the kids at night! It’s a pain in the butt, honestly. We tried to warn you off. We acted like stinking fairies up there flitting around all freaky like. Yeah, we know what you all call us! And no, the wind is not blowing off the sewage lagoon!

We’re tired of it. You get ahold of Inslee and make this happen or else.

MP: Are you kidding Ralph. I can’t make this happen. I don’t know the Governor and it would be hard for me to even get to speak to him. He’s a total space cadet anyhow. You want me to try to make sense with that? Give me a break! I'm a low level newspaper reporter!

Ralph: You tell him we are going to port the next bunch of Big Foot hunters we catch up there in the Baker National Forest right to somewhere they ain’t gonna like much. Unless of course he makes it official. NO MAN’s Land! Whooomp! Dammit! No more nice ol Big Foot woootling around amongst the trees. We mean business!

MP: I suppose I can try to phone him………..he isn’t even going to believe any of this. Who would? Ralph, you’re a myth, a boogie story to scare Indian kids at night. You are like a breeze. Nobody ever sees you, though they sure ought to be able to smell you! To mention you is to be branded a liar or a fool. This is an impossible thing you are demanding! I cannot do this! Are you trying to destroy my credibility?

Ralph: OK, well on your head be it. Jane, you ready? Get rid of that crazy stuff you're wearing. Let’s get outta here. We have a long way to go before night.

Jane pulls off her parka, her little sweatshirt, her t-shirt, her jeans, her panties and her shoes and socks. She stands in the cool sunlight with her auburn hair shining and fluffing up. She raises her head and looks toward Ralph. She smiles a little smile.

JS: Sure Dad, anything you say. Let’s go.