LATEST RELEASE... 2/19/26... The Forest is Forever: No. 3 in The Collected Ralph Stories

Tuesday, May 5, 2026

Mission To The Ekkkhso Planet

 


 
            “’Wake up, Little Suzy! Wake up!’” said Toots one night recently. She was singing it too!
            “Toots? Is that you singing?” said Suzy, startled awake.
            “Yup! I’ve got an idea,” said Toots. Suzy felt her whiskers bristle up a bit, but she was listening anyhow.
            “Brrrt! What kind of idea do you have now?” said Suzy.
            “Well, hear me out, OK? I kept thinking of a number. Weird huh? You know what number it was?” Toots said.
            “Huh uh, no idea,” Suzy sent back.
            “9. Over and over. It seemed like a mystery. Until it came to me, Suzy! I got the message! You’ll be so pleased, Honey!” Purred Toots.
            “Message?” said Suzy.
            “It came from an Ekkkhso planet, No. 9, the origin of all cats, Suzy! Think of it!” yowled Toots.
            “I thought they were still arguing about whether there are 9 planets or not,” mrrred Suzy.
            “This was a Pspsps direct! No question about it. We must go!” said Toots.
            “Will they know we are there? Can we find it? I mean, if it’s all mysterious…” said Suzy.
            “We’ll follow their signal right back to Planet No. 9. No problem. Are you ready?”
            “OK. I guess we survived the Mewn and Mrrrz too. Sure. Why not?” But she was feeling pretty Cautious™ all over clear to the end of  her tail.
            Nevertheless, they both put their noses down on their front paws and became extremely ‘thinky’ in a very deep way.
            Soon both girls were just points of vision hovering in the upper atmosphere of Earth.
            “I can see Italy!” said Suzy.
            “Stop looking down, we have to keep going. Think No. 9!” said Toots.
            Toots and Suzy both could feel the signal calling them from Planet No. 9 like kind a tickle behind their eyes, which was odd because their eyes were still on Earth. Nevertheless, both kind of hooked their virtual claws into the signal, like that! It was something like jumping a freight train.
            Before either could form a thought, the two little Expurrers were in stationary orbit over a small, lonely looking planet, very far from the distant sun.
            “I wonder how they stay warm here? The sun is too little,” said Suzy. And it did look too little and so far away. The girls wondered if this was a cold planet.
            They dropped down closer to the surface, being careful to ‘stay together’. You never know, right?
            It didn’t look like anybody was home on the surface. And yet the signal still drew them downward. The surface didn’t look promising. It was rough, rocky and looked cold. They kept following the beam of thought coming from somewhere on this rock.
            At last they found it. It looked like a small window set into the surface of the planet. There seemed to be a light flickering inside.
            “Bingo!” said Toots. “This must be the place!”
            “Should we go in?” said Suzy.
            “They invited us! It would be rude not to!” said Toots.
            So, they did go in.
            On the other side of the heavy glass was a jungle of exotic, unknown plant varieties. Fortunately, their bodies were on Earth. This would have been hard to get through. Behind all of this was a kind of round sofa-like piece of furniture. On it reclined a huge tabby cat, like maybe 50 lbs.! She wore glasses and held a roll of material like vellum on which there was some exotic markings, perhaps writing. It looked like neither Japanese nor Egyptian, or Roman.
            She laid her scroll aside, and spoke.
            “Ah, you’ve come. I wondered if anyone would notice my call,” she said. “I don’t see you, either of you, but I see a disturbance in the ether. (A cat thing.)
            “I am Lavinda. Will you do me a great favor? Now that you are here?” said Lavinda. “Will you take my children to Earth? I am nearly passed, and they will be alone. Our planet is nearly empty now.”
            “How can we do that, since we are not here actually,” Toots implored her.
            “I will ready them for travel. I will put them in travel eggs, and they will follow you back down the same way you came here,” said Lavinda, rising from her sofa, rather painfully.
            Then she called as mother cats all do, a sort of trilling song, and four big tabby kittens came running obediently to her.
            “They will know how to hunt for themselves if you just find a good place for them,” said Lavinda.
            “If it is possible, we will surely do it,” said Suzy.
            “Very well,” said Lavinda, and she kissed each of her children and one by one enclosed them in a kind of glass egg. “I will speak to them on Earth. Go now!”
            Lavinda opened the outer window allowing her children in their eggs to exit. They hovered in a group, waiting.
            Suzy and Toots accompanied them all the way back to Earth.
            “I think I had better take them to the creek. I was happy there when I was small,” said Toots. So, Suzy went back to her recliner, and Toots brought the kittens to the creek and as they settled down on the side of the stream, their egg shells fell away.
            “Thank you!” said each kitten as he or she scampered off into the moonlit night, to enjoy the wonders of life on Earth, far from their dying home planet.
            The two little Expurrers found this to be a rather sobering experience, but were joyful for the sake of the kittens and planned to keep track of them, and help them if they needed advice, or anything.
            Both heard from Lavinda. She wanted to know how the landing went, and thanked them profusely.


πŸ˜ΈπŸ’›πŸ˜Ή

Monday, May 4, 2026

I Have A Thing About Them & Open Thread


 

        I love small dams. In 2009, daughter, granddaughter and I went on a little road trip to northern Idaho. We found this cute little example on the Clark Fork River in northern Idaho. It's name is the Cabinet Gorge Dam. It was completed in 1952.



        We have visited other small dams in the American west. Pretty cool!
        
        Have a lovely day!!

πŸŒ²πŸ’™πŸŒ²



Sunday, May 3, 2026

A Letter From Out of The Blue

 


            Ooog and Thaga live on a dirt road, with an address and an actual mailbox. So, they get mail sometimes. Not very often.
            However, Ralph and Ramona do not have an address or a mailbox. So, if someone wanted to send a letter to Ralph, it would have to be by a circuitous route of some sort. Then, there is the problem, that though Ralph and Ramona both speak excellent English, neither can read a lick!
            But apparently, there was a will because there was a way.
            One day Ooog, on his way out to do some digging, or whatnot, thought maybe he would check the mailbox. You never know, right? There could be a total surprise waiting there. He didn’t check it every day.
            There was one large cream colored envelope lying there. Ooog really didn’t know if it  had just arrived or had been there for several days. It was written on in an awkward hand. The return address said:
            M. O. H.
            365 Shady Lane
            Branson, MO 65616  
 
It was addressed to:
                                    Ralph C/O Ooog and Thaga
                                    3 Rural Route
                                    Arlington, WA 98223
 
            Ooog only knew three people in Branson. It had to be from Maurice, the Ozark Howler (reformed.) The mystery of why Maurice had written a letter was killing him, so he took it right into Thaga, at a trot.
            Thaga dried her hands on her blue and white striped apron and said, “We must take it to them. We’ll have to read it to them too. Neither one of them reads. Well, maybe their names, but that’s about all!”
            “I wonder what in the world would make him write a letter?” said Ooog, pulling thoughtfully on his chin whiskers. His wise little blue eyes twinkled and he grinned cannily.
“Let’s get on down to the Home Clearing, Woman!”
            Thaga re-pinned her hair and hung her apron on the hook in the back of the kitchen. Ooog got Harold the cat into the house, and taking the letter they slipped out, closing Harold inside where he wouldn’t get into trouble.
            Fortunately, when Ooog followed by Thaga hustled into the Home Clearing, everybody was home, even Bob and Berry. Ralph and Ramona were listening to Cherry sing one of the old Firekeeper songs that Ramona had taught her. Blue howled along here and there. The song was actually a recipe in the form of a song. It was about how to make something edible out of the inner bark of a pine tree. Nobody had tried it on a Douglas Fir yet, but it was certainly a possibility.
            The family looked up as one, surprised to see Ooog and Thaga rushing up. Cherry stopped singing and Blue went silent.
            “Hi!” said Ralph.
            “Come and sit with us,” said Ramona.
            Puffing a bit, Ooog said, “You have a letter! It’s from Maurice! I found it in the mailbox out on the road. I don’t know when it came. I don’t check every day!”
            “Well, open it up, Man,” said Ralph.
            “Shall I read it to you?” asked Ooog.
            “Yes! I’m dying to know what he said,” said Ramona.
            Ooog fished his folding knife out of the front right pocket of his green leather trousers and slit the letter open. He put his knife away and removed the letter from the envelope.
            Everyone waited as he unfolded it and began to read.
 
“Hello to Thaga or Ooog! I know one of you is reading this to Ralph and Ramona! Thanks, Maurice.
 
Dear Ralph and Lady Firekeeper Ramona!
            It’s been so long since I talked to you that I don’t know where to start. Are you surprised that I am still alive? Well, I am, and so are Sneaky and Joe.
            Let’s see, as you know, the Howler Ice Cream Shop has done very well. I’m almost never there anymore. Sneaky and her son, surprise!, are usually back in the office, letting the kids sell ice cream up front.
            I got another job. You won’t believe this one! I teach American Folklore at night at the community college. The housewives and day workers love it. They think I look like a werewolf! I keep my tail well out of sight. Looking a little like a werewolf is one thing, but having an actual tail might be more than the traffic could bear.
            Sneaky’s son is called Joseph. She says it’s because his coat is of many colors. I don’t know why. She says some weird stuff sometimes. He is twice as big as she is, and he loves ice cream. But, show me the cat who doesn’t like ice cream, Ralph, right?
            Joe made so much money selling songs that he has his own label company now. He’s so busy that we might know where  he is, but we don’t see him. It’s called Train Trip Records. It sounds old timey, but you know what? Customers like that!
            Last year, he bought a regular house for me and Sneaky and Joseph out on a residential street. It’s white, has a fence, and flowers. I learned how to mow grass and take care of flowers. We have an attic and a basement.
            In the morning Sneaky and Joseph walk to the shop and that kid lets them in. I work around the house until time to go to the college. I read books about folk stories and tell the class about them. That’s all, and they pay me! Imagine a True Ozark Howler getting paid to talk folklore!
            Joe still lives in his fancy apartment, but he hired a housekeeper to come in and do what I used to do. Joe says he thought it would be nice for us to have a house and garden instead of just an apartment up in a tall building with nowhere to go outside. I think he might marry her. That’s just what I think.
            Sneaky says it would be OK, if I came out to see you in the Great Forest someday soon. It’s only about a four block walk to the shop from the house and she says she will be fine, that Joseph will help  her until I get back. She has a tricky cat-sized way of getting in and out of our house.
            So, be on the lookout for incoming Ralph! I could appear out there on Highway 2 when you least expect it! Of course, Maeve would probably tell on me the minute I got there, huh?
 
Your old friend,
Maurice, a True Ozark Howler

 
            “Oh! What a surprise,” said Ralph, with a grin. “I can’t wait!”
            “Thank you, Ooog!” said Ramona. “I wonder when he will come?”
            “He sure didn’t say, did he?” said Thaga.
            “I think he loves being mysterious,” said Ralph. “I mean, after all, he’s a True Ozark Howler, one of the most mysterious creatures in the world!”
             Thaga said they had better go home because she had bread dough rising and that Ooog had gardening and chickens to attend to.
            Ralph put the letter carefully up on the shelf in the cave, thinking about his old friend Maurice and all that they had been through together.

πŸ€πŸΊπŸ€


Saturday, May 2, 2026

Shabbat Shalom, Open Thread! Have Some Challah!


 Tis a fine thing to cruise the ocean beaches.
There are no lanes out there.
Just firm sand, or loose sand. Go, or no go.
Not my car. BW's Kia.
Of course, I've been out there in the old Element too.
Have a wonderful and happy Catfurday.
I'm always thinking of you guys!
p

🌸🀍🌸

Friday, May 1, 2026

A Midsummer's Night's Foolishness

 


            OK, this is the setup: Uncle Bob wanted to talk to Ralph in the worst way. It was urgent. He stumped down out of the meadow and into the Home Clearing. There was Ramona! Ah!
            “Mona! I mean, Firekeeper Ramona, I need to talk to Ralph. Is he around here somewhere?” said Uncle Bob, who was a little embarrassed, and short sighted too.
            “Oh, hi, Bob. You can call me Mona if you want,” said Ramona, amused. “I’m not sure where Ralph has gotten to. Not for sure, you know how it is. Last I heard he was going to go see Ranger Rick.”
            “I don’t really know Ranger Rick, Ramona. I need to tell Ralph that there are some elk up in the far side of the meadow nearest the town and we should go hunting right away before they leave!” said Uncle Bob. “Do you think it would be OK to go look for him there. I guess if Rick knows Ralph and Twigg he wont faint if I show up, right?”
            “No, Bob, I think Rick can handle another guy from the woods. Why don’t you just go on over there and maybe you can catch Ralph before the elk take off,” urged Ramona. She was already thinking about how many days an elk would feed them, and maybe passing some along to Thaga.
            So, Uncle Bob set off to the ranger station and campground area on a mission to find Ralph and get up a hunting expedition while the hunting was good. It was getting towards evening, and the last light of day was fading, not that dark nights bother the Forest People.
            As he was approaching the campground, but it was really still out in the forest, he came upon an odd sight. It was odd to Bob anyhow. He stopped and stared, forgetting for the moment what he was doing there.
            It was a structure made of some kind of human cloth. It was yellow and orange. It wasn’t really big enough for Bob to get inside of, but he thought it might be something that humans use, like a little house or something. It was lit up from the inside, so that the whole thing glowed in the dark shadows of the trees like some strangely shaped lantern sitting on the ground. It smelled interesting to Uncle Bob, who like all Forest People had a sense of smell even better than a bloodhound’s.
            Uncle Bob approached as silently as he could manage. Well, not that silently. He walked around the strange structure a couple of times. It smelled of food, not honest meat, but cookies and all sorts of decadent stuff. He sniffed loudly in appreciation. He wondered if the thing was warm to the touch, so he placed one of his big hands on it and pressed. Yes! It was warm. Uncle Bob could hear someone moving around in there too. He heard a sharp intake of breath and then silence. Interesting. Indeed, there must be a person in there.
            There was a small metal tab at the top of a sort of seam. This interested him, so he touched it. Then he pulled on it, and the seam began to open. Just a few inches of the interior began to show.
            A terrified young man’s face stared back at Uncle Bob. Bob jumped back a few feet!
            This guy jerked the zipper pull all the way to the ground and opened a flap. He stared out into the darkness searching for any sign of Uncle Bob who was pretty far back. Then all of sudden, fast as a jack rabbit, he popped out of the tent in just his tropical print boxers and a jacket, wearing his unlaced boots too, and ran off into the direction of the ranger station as fast as he could run, boot laces whipping around his feet as he ran. Bob watched him go with his mouth hanging open.
            “Chill, man,” said Uncle Bob, to himself apparently because this bird had flown.
            Bob left the abandoned tent hanging open and headed on down to the ranger station.
            Meanwhile, the guy in boxers made it down to the station, but Rick wasn’t there because he goes home at night. The poor freaked guy just ran up to the campground parking lot, got into his Kia, and drove home convinced that he had barely escaped a gruesome death.
            When Bob got to the ranger station, still searching for Ralph, he found Ralph just about to vanish behind the dumpster.
            “Ralphie!” Bob called.
            “Oh, hi, Bob. What are you doing here?” asked Ralph.
            “Looking for you!” said Bob, huffing and puffing a bit.
            “You found me! Cool! What’s up, man?” Ralph asked his boyhood friend.
            “I was just coming down to find you and the weirdest thing happened on the way! There was this yellow thing all lit up on the inside with a guy inside of it. This guy was really sketchy, Ralphie!
            “He totally freaked at me! He took off running down here to the station, but I don’t see him anywhere!” said Bob in wonder.
            “Oh, I bet he wanted to see Rick! But Rick had just left before you got here. Some guy went running up to the parking lot and blasted out of here like Maurice was after him!” giggled Ralph.
            “Maurice wouldn’t hurt him would he?” said Uncle Bob.
            “No, but I bet he would think so! Well, you’ve scared the guy. He’ll probably come back tomorrow and file a report and try to work up the nerve to go get his stuff and Rick will have to play dumb. He’ll have to blame it on a bear,” said Ralph.
            “Wait a minute, you came down here to tell me something, not to go scaring campers. What’s the dealio Bobbo?” said Ralph.
            “Oh! Oh! I saw a herd of elk up in the meadow and I thought we should go hunting before they disappear, Ralphie!” said Uncle Bob.
            “Well, goodness, man, why didn’t you say so? Let’s do it!” said Ralph.
            And so Ralph and Uncle Bob did go hunting up in the meadow nearest to the town, and didn’t miss the elk! In fact, they caught quite a large one and had to carry it all the way back down to Ramona. There was plenty for all, including Twigg and Leely, with a nice roast for Thaga too.

😹🀍😻

Thursday, April 30, 2026

You'd Swear It Was Summer

 


            Going outside yesterday, I felt as if the last time I had looked it  had been spring, still chill and damp and gray.
            The sunlight was that blinding light we get in the northwest. I think it has something to do with humidity. I don’t know. Maybe it’s just in comparison to the former gray days. The sky was that profound arc of heavenly blue.
            So, April is just about over.
            This is the beginning of the summer of 2026. Everything was fully leafed out. The blossoms have fallen from my pear tree. I was looking to see if there was some Lamb’s Quarter growing out there along the driveway, but only found clover and dandelions and some other things that I don’t recognize by name.
            And it was warm! Warm enough to use a little AC in the car!
            I got caught in the Boeing traffic going home. But, it kept moving, so that’s the main thing. Most drivers were behaving themselves pretty well. I think people up here feel celebratory when the weather gets like it was today.
            I bet things are looking summery up in the Great Forest too. I wonder if Ramona does anything with dandelion flowers? I shall have to check in with them today!
            I know that the river is very full with spring runoff and that Maeve is above it all keeping a sharp lookout.



Wednesday, April 29, 2026

Good Morning! Don't Forget! Butter Your Cat Day is Here!


 Aw, they've grown so much since then.
They, and I, wish you the very best April 29th ever.
They have a rather diffident interest in butter, but will lap some.
Suzy abstains.
Mr. Baby has not indulged.
I know Toots doesn't approve, but Sammie digs it!

Meow!

🀍

PBird's Most Visited Posts In The Past Year