Nottabear, But Close!

 

🐻

 
            You know how it is. Suddenly, you just notice something you hadn’t been noticing. Then suddenly, there it is. In this case, it was Ralph’s tummy, and Ramona was doing the noticing.
            One early morning, just as she was waking, she noticed a big round thing right behind her under the quilt.
            “Bear!” thought Ramona, as she leapt out of bed. But when she looked back to the bed there was only Ralph. Rather a lot of Ralph. In fact, he had gotten rather rotund in his middle.
            As she stood there studying his tummy in the half light of their home cave, she wondered how it had happened. Not much had changed. Well, maybe.
            He still went out hunting, or fishing every day. He gathered firewood every day. Ramona just didn’t see how he could grow a bear’s tummy when he was so hardworking.
            She thought about the food she cooked. It was mostly fish, or soup, or eggs, or a roast of some kind. She thought maybe it was the cooking that did it! Oh, dear! It had been a long many years since they had eaten uncooked food like their ancestors.
            Ramona shuddered delicately, and went outside to work on her fire.
            When Ralph woke and yawning, wandered out to sit by the fire. It occurred to Ramona, looking at him, that an observer might actually mistake her Ralph for a bear. Embarrassing.
            “Baby,” she said, “why do so many Hairless men have such big bellies?”
            “Um. Beer? I don’t know for sure. What are you saying, Mona?” he said looking down at his own mid-section.
            “Well, I hope learning to cook didn’t make you look like one of them, Baby,” said Ramona. “I don’t really feel like eating raw fish and meat and stuff, do you?”
            “I don’t either, really. Though we could. Do you think it would help?” asked Ralph.
            “Can you think of anything else that makes humans look like bears?” said Ramona, not tipping her hand. She’s like that.
            “Maybe human food makes human bellies, Mona. I just love that junk, but I do kind of look like a bear. Maybe a Honey Bear!” he said, giggling. “Actually, I have an idea. Maybe when I go see Rick, I should just have the coffee! Surely, coffee never made anyone look like a bear, did it, Mona?”
            “I don’t see how it could,” she said.
            “Well, I know it wasn’t your good food. It was something else, and I think I know what. I’ll stick to coffee when I visit Rick, and lay off snitching Doritos, sad as that is!” he said.
            “I hate it when I run and all this jumps up and down. It’s not right. I’m supposed to glide!”
            “I know, Baby,” said Ramona. “I’ll stop making biscuits, and you don’t eat all Rick’s goodies and in no time, you will be just like you were before!”
            So, for breakfast they had coffee and some eggs and a bit of leftover venison. Not a carbohydrate in the bunch!

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Suzy's Dilemma

 

            “OK, Suz, dish,” said Toots, firmly. “Just exactly what’s pulling your tail?”
            “Funny you should mention my tail,” said Suzy. She was in full retreat under some unstated piece of furniture at the time.
            “What’s funny about it?” inquired Toots.
            “Well, it’s my tail. They don’t actually pull it, but they sure do chase it, and Toots, they are so big now, I just run and hide!”
            “I see. Have you considered standing your ground?” Toots looked thoughtful.
            “I think the both of them would run right into me. I don’t know? Maybe they think they could eat me!” said Suzy.
            “No, Honey. I understand that you are dealing with a reflex that comes natural to me too. But I’m pretty sure it’s a game for the big stupid kittens. I think that if you put your paw down firmly and faced them without running away, well, where’s the fun in that for them. You would suddenly become just a little old lady cat who wouldn't put up with their foolishness.
            “I’ve heard the word dumheit used around here. I think I get the sense of it. That’s what they’re doing and they need a firm paw taken with them!” said Toots.
            “But, Toots, I don’t know how to change my basic nature!” cried Suzy. “When those big strong, fast kids come running at me, well thinking is over with. I turn tail!”
            “I like to think that I wouldn’t do that. But I might. There are things on the cosmic breeze sometimes that make me just hide until it’s over, whatever it is,” said Toots.
            “What I’ve been doing is screaming as loudly as I can when one gets too close to where I have hidden,” said Suzy. “She calls them out, and they back down. But it’s a temporary reprieve. Though today, I had a nice quiet time in the bedroom with the door closed, and my own bowl of food. She did that for me.”           
            “I can feel that you feel there is no solution, but maybe there is. You know what I’m thinking don’t you?” said Toots.
            “Yeah, I do. We two are gathered together, so it’s time to Purr™ about this. Maybe the Great Sire of all cats will take notice of my dilemma, Toots.”
            “I’m sure of it, and I’m sure things will improve. If nothing else, the Scouts will grow up and not be so silly,” said Toots.
            “We should contemplate peace,” she added.
            So the girls, each in her separate place, so far from each other, shut their green eyes, put their noses down on their forepaws and Purred together, as one, for peace between Suzy and the Bengal Brothers.

AMEN!

❤️

The Scourge of Maple Heart Camp

 

            So, Bill Erickson, Arlington High School science teacher, stepped out of his RV to take the air a little. It had gotten dark while he and April were in there making and eating dinner. While smoking, he noted one other camping rig, and four tents. Seemed to Bill like a rather cold time of year to be tent camping. Maybe they had their love to keep them warm, he thought, amusing himself.
            He was just thinking about how remarkably quiet it was in the mountains at night, when he heard rustling behind one of the tents. It was the dark one, no light shone through the nylon.
            “What is that?” he asked himself and listened closely. There were footsteps, but not the famous night time bipedal steps one hears of. Nope. Shuffling, hesitant, definitely four-footed steps. Likely a bear, Bill thought.
            Then he saw it, the doggone biggest bear Bill had ever had the honor of being in the presence of. He held his breath and considered bolting in to April and safety, but something made him wait and watch.
            A huge ursine silhouette padded around to the door side of the tent. It seemed as if the bear must have bitten the zipper pull, for the next thing was that the door was unzipped and half of the bear was in the tent. There was a bloodcurdling scream, and the bear beat a quick retreat with a crinkly sounding bag of something in its jaws. There was some more screaming, some masculine yelling, a lamp came on, and a man stood outside the tent, hands on hips, before climbing back into his tent and rezipping the entrance.
            Bill later swore, he heard laughter as the bear hotfooted it back into the deep brush before the tree line.            
            The next morning was a busy one for Ranger Rick.
            There were two men waiting to see him when he drove into the station parking area. He saw them before he parked, and thought, “Here we go!”
            Bill, the older one, felt that it was his duty to report a rogue bear in the area.
            Mike, the younger camper, wanted to report a bear which had stolen his bag of Doritos and scared the beans out of his wife, Louella. “Its big fat face was right there!” he said.
            Bill told Mike that he had heard the whole thing, and said, “What were you laughing about after that?”
            “I wasn’t laughing,” indignant Mike said. “I was the kind of mad you get after being scared silly!”
            “Somebody was laughing out loud, and it wasn’t the bear!” insisted Bill.
            Rick took their reports cheerfully. He said they had never had a bear cause serious trouble at Maple Heart Camp, and that he would be on the lookout for the rascal!
            Most of that day, a Tuesday passed without incident, after the morning reports.
            Bill and April decided to stick around and give the camp another chance. It wasn’t their Doritos that went missing, after all.
            Mike and Louella also decided that they were no worse for the wear really and remained.
            There was more excitement Wednesday morning. When Rick got to work, the lid of the dumpster was flopped back. Rick repositioned it, then walked into his office.
            Hannah called Rick on his mobile. “I woke up at midnight and was hearing something, so I looked out my kitchen window, and there was a bear the size of a VW Bug walking right down the middle of the campground parking area, Rick!” said Hannah, sounding just a bit edgy. “A bear that big could do anything it wanted, and nobody could stop it, Rick!”
            “Oh, Hannah, are you sure you were really awake?” said Rick. “I’ve never seen such an animal here and I’ve been working here for twelve years.” He said soothingly. He grinned at the phone in his hand.
            “If there is bear trouble, I’m out of here!” she said, signing off.
            When Dexter got to the office, Rick said, “You know who that bear was, right?”
            “Should I tell Hannah?” said Dexter.
            “Maybe you better,” said Rick. “Maybe I should talk to Ralph.”
            Then, just as if his ears had been burning, Ralph stuck his head in the office door.
            “Hey, Rick. Hey, Dexter,” he said. “How’s it going? Any bears in the camp here?” He squeezed the rest of himself through the door and took his accustomed seat. He smiled benevolently at both men.
            “You blew your cover a little bit by guffawing when you ran off with the Doritos. But it will blow over. Nobody will believe him anyhow. He looks like he’s tripping,” said Rick. “Did you see the crazy Fu Manchu whiskers on him?”
            “Oh, the smoker outside the RV?” said Ralph. “I love Doritos. Can’t get enough. Milly brings me some sometimes.”
            “Nobody can get enough Doritos,” said Rick, “that’s what’s wrong with them. Hey, did you ever catch up with our original Honey Bear?”
            “Won’t happen again, Rick,” said Ralph.
            “You sure?” said Rick, brightening up.
            “Oh, and I think I muddied the waters enough! Big brown bear in camp must equal Honey Bear in camp! Aren’t words fun?” said Ralph with his fingers laced over his tummy and a big grin on his face.
            Rick still had most of his birthday cake out in the kitchen nook. So, between the three of them they finished it off, with lots of awful Safeway coffee. The cake was good. Chocolate with lemon buttercream icing.
            Rick gave Ralph the candles to take home to Ramona for fire starters.

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Summer's Perfect Rose

 

There is no way to choose the best of summer.

Each unfolding perfect in its way.

Color; profound, deep, or delicate and dreamlike,

So soon a memory,

When rain comes again,

And skies are grey.

Perhaps with snow.

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Who Goes There?

 

            Rick’s kind of an old-school guy in some ways. So, this Monday morning, as he settled down at his desk, he had the Monday paper in one hand and his coffee in the other. It was still nice and quiet in the ranger station office. Dexter hadn’t appeared. All serene.
            Then he opened the paper, scanned the front page type news, including the national catastrophes. He turned the page, and began to read some local stuff. Ho-hum!  
            One headline came at him like a bolt out of the blue.

Honey Bear Sighted in Maple Heart Campground

            Rick sat up straight! Maple Heart Campground was right where he was sitting right that very second. This was news to Rick, as well as to readers of the Milltown news.
            “What’s a Honey Bear, for Heaven’s sake?” Rick asked himself. But he had a bad squirrely feeling in the very bottom of his gut. He read on.
            The character who said he saw the Honey Bear, was a farmer from flyover country visiting the PNW. Now, he didn’t explain what one was, but apparently it was important enough to get ahold of the sheriff’s dept and make a report.
            “But not me?” said Rick. He read on. This sighting had occurred in the evening. OK. So, He hadn’t been in the office. OK.
            Dexter arrived on lightly tripping feet with a goofy look on his face.
            “What’s a Honey Bear? You got any idea?” said Rick.
            “Um. Kid’s cereal?” said Dexter.
            “Nope. Some goober says he saw one Saturday night in the camp here. It was enough of a big deal for him to call the sheriff’s dept and make a report. You don’t suppose..?” said Rick, staring off into the middle distance and feeling his sense of ease draining away.
            “You’re thinking that might be farmer talk for one of these Forest People?” said Dexter, losing the goofy grin. “Maybe you better talk to Ralph.”
            “Yeah, we know who’s really the boss around here,” agreed Rick.
            Therefore, Rick went out to his service vehicle, took a seat behind the steering wheel, and beeped out an SOS on his horn, and then waited.
            In about 17 minutes Rick could see Ralph standing right inside the tree line. He was gesturing to Rick to come to him. OK.
            Rick piled back out and went into the forest.
            “You got an emergency?” said Ralph.
            “Do you know what a Honey Bear is? There’s a story about a Honey Bear sighting here in the camp in the paper this morning. It doesn’t sound good. It sounds like some farmer was talking about one of you guys,” said Rick. “It was two nights ago, so he says.”
            “Hm, that does sound suggestive,” said Ralph. “I’ve never been called a Honey Bear, but you never know what these old timers might come up with!” He was giggling, hugely, which is truly awesome.
            “I betcha I know who it was. I told him that the campground was off limits. OK, let me think.”
            Ralph leaned on a tree; Rick waited. Maeve flew over but didn’t stop.
            “I know how to fix this, Rick. Tell you what. I’ll make myself look like a big old goofy bear and tonight I will raise enough of a ruckus in the campground that I will be seen. Problem solved. It was a bear! Of course, it was a bear! Simple!” said Ralph. “The next thing I will do is get ahold of who I think the culprit is and have a nice long talk with him about blowing MY cover in addition to his own,” said Ralph.
            “Why are we standing in the trees?” said Rick.
            “I just had a feeling, yanno?” said Ralph. “I feel elusive today.”
            “Who am I to doubt it,” said Rick. “So, you think that will work? Settle the public mind, the little dears?”
            “Remember, Rick, it’s always a bear. No matter what they say they saw, no they d’n’t. They saw a bear! Just play dumb, whatever you know!”
            “I can do that,” said Rick. Assuaged, he went back to his office. He threw the paper in his wastebasket, and got a fresh cup of coffee.
            “Everything OK,” said Dexter, who had waited to hear the word from Ralph.
            “Pretty sure, might take a day or two,” said Rick, opening his laptop and starting to poke around in it.
            Now, when Ralph got back home, in the bosom of the Great Forest, he said hi to Ramona.
            She said “Hi, Honey,” and Ralph cracked up.
            It took a couple of minutes for him to settle down enough to explain.

🧡🐻🧡

✡️5787 Coming Up, New Year Greetings!✡️

 

            You’ve all been very good sports. It’s been a lot of fun, tossing quips back and forth and posting this and that. It’s been quite a learning experience writing all those stories too.

            It seems like a good time to say thanks, here at the end of an old calendar year. As you may know, Rosh Hashanah begins tonight at sundown. According to Chabad.org, it celebrates the creation of Adam and Eve! Tradition, eh!

            In addition to my thanks, I have a question. Do any of you have any suggestions for the MEOW staff? What would you like to see in the near future?

            Also, I welcome contributions from you readers!

            But, most of all I wish you all the very best, and I continue to pray that God blesses you. I also hope the weather improves, sincerely!

 Love, pbird

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An Urchin at Large in The Great Forest

 

            Well, as you know, Ralph has set a perimeter around the Great Forest. It works on wandering humans, and other creature that he has specifically banned for cause. However, it does not stop animals from wandering in. Obviously, deer, bears, foxes, coyotes, wolves, turkeys, and every bird of the air have free passage into or out of the Great Forest.
            One foggy morning in the fall of Cherry’s 8^th year, Ramona and Cherry went over to the Silver River to wash some bowls and to get some clean water. Ramona carried the bucket of dirty bowls and Cherry carried a clean bucket. It was totally routine.
            While the girls were busy, Ralph took the opportunity to visit his office, so to speak, for a period of contemplating the Cosmos. Things were just getting good, and he was nearly asleep when he heard a strange little sound. A ripple passed through the Cosmos.
            The sound was pretty close, and rather unfamiliar, though it sounded like an animal of some kind in distress. He sighed and sat up, looking all around himself.
            Nobody could do any contemplating with that little despairing call nearby.
            Ralph threw his feet down to the forest floor and stood up. The sound became louder and seemed to come from very nearby. In fact, so near that he looked at his own feet, and there it sat. It was a small striped animal of the cat variety. The only domestic lions Ralph had ever met was Thaga’s Harold, or Twigg's family of cats. This one was much smaller, maybe the size of a potato, but with legs and tail, and ears and so on.
            Wandering immature kittens are always a mystery. They appear randomly sometimes. And they don’t indicate their origin in any way.
            “Where did you come from?” said Ralph, bending over and picking the tiny mewling thing up in his very large hand. He brought the little thing up to his face to examine it. Small green eyes looked into his very large brown eyes confidently.
            Obviously, this was a situation for Ramona to deal with. She would know what to do with this baby.
            When he got back down to the fire, Ramona and Cherry were sitting there singing songs in the old language together. Two pairs of eyes watched him approach.
            “Look who woke me up a few minutes ago,” said Ralph.
            “Let me see,” said Ramona. “Is it a cat? It’s awfully small.”
            “Yeah, I think so. It is awfully small,” agreed Ralph, as he handed the baby over to her to inspect.
            Cherry looked from face to face, and said, “Is it for us?”
            “I’m not sure,” said Ramona as she held the baby to herself and stroked his little head with one forefinger. “I suppose he’s hungry,” she said. "He's a boy."
            She didn’t have any milk or cream, but they did have some leftover fish, so she minced up a little serving of cooked fish and put it in a bowl with a little water, just in case the little thing was thirsty.
            “Twigg already has a family of cats,” said Ralph.
            “I know. Who else could use a kitty, Baby?”
            “I have Blue,” said Cherry. “And Thaga has Harold.”
            “I think I’ll take him to see Rick. Maybe he needs a ranger station cat!” said Ralph.
            So, after the tiny guy was full of fish and sleepy, Ralph picked him up and cradled him in his left elbow and took off to find Rick.
            When he got to where he could see the station door, he looked around and decided the coast was clear and slipped over to the door, knocked, and went on into Rick’s office.
            “Hey, Rick, are you in here?” said Ralph because he didn’t see him.
            “Yup. I’m in here,” Rick said, coming out of the storage room with a can of Safeway store brand coffee. “Whatcha got there, Ralph, old buddy?”
            Ralph held the little guy out to Rick. “Seems to be a small tomcat, Rick. Do you need a station cat? This guy woke me up when I was thinking. He’s loud!”
            Rick was just holding the little stripey guy and trying to figure out how to say he didn’t need a station cat, not really, when Dexter popped in the door.
            “Oh!” said Dexter. “Is it up for grabs? Does it have a home?”
            “He,” said Ralph and Rick at the same time.
            “He doesn’t have a home yet! He found me when I was thinking, and woke me up a few minutes ago,” said Ralph. “I completely don’t know where he came from!”
            “Can I take him to Hannah? Unless you want him, Rick?” said Dexter, eyes wide.
            “Sure, I bet Hannah would like a kitten,” said Rick. “We have two cats at home, and this one is free to go to you and Hannah! That’s just fine!”
            Dexter took the little thing from Rick, grinned like a ten-year-old, and took off at a run, banging the door and vanishing up into the campground.
            “Well,” said Ralph, grinning himself.
            “There ya go!” said Rick. “Success! Care for coffee, Ralph?”
            “Don’t mind if I do!” said Ralph, settling down in the special big chair in front of Rick’s desk.

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