Practical Matters

 

           Having just initiated the boy into the arts of vanishing and reappearing, Ralph was pretty pleased with progress so far.  Of course, the vanishing act only works on humans and some animals.  It doesn’t fool corvids or raptors at all.  Rabbits and deer fall for it every time. It gives our Forest Keepers quite an advantage in hunting!

            Twigg had a great time popping in and out of our human wavelength, but he had no one to try it on, unless Thaga decided to visit. This leads naturally into the next essential subject a young Squatch would be interested in.

The Glorious Subject Of Practical Jokes.

            For the youth of all hominid species, there are no better uses of time.  Perhaps the writer’s assessment is colored by experience?  Well, nevertheless.

            Ralph considered how to introduce his boy to the Glorious Subject but was a bit stumped as to how to start.  To a certain extent, hoaxing comes naturally to kids, but finesse takes time and practice.

            What Twigg needed was a subject, not Squatch or bird, to practice his skills on. Thaga was the obvious choice. If it all went south, she would just kiss Twigg and give him a cookie or something.  Pretty safe experimental subject.

            Now, it happened that this very day Thaga had gotten some bad news from the Usual Source, Maeve.  Maeve had heard some Salish ladies discussing Basket Woman, Slapu!  She dropped silently onto the ground behind these ladies, so she could hear better without being intrusive. Most of us call that eavesdropping.

            These ladies, Sally and Agnes, said that Basket Woman was hunting the woods again and she really gets around.  She has motion skills like a Squatch, uses portals and can “glide” with the best of them. Basket Woman liked to hunt toddlers and a little older, kind of like suckling pig you know, they said.  They are easy to catch and subdue, these two said!

            When Maeve got the gist of this, she lit out straight like the crow flies, even though she is not a crow, to spread the news.  The first candidate she saw was Thaga.

Breathlessly, she landed right in front of Thaga, who was hanging out Ooog’s big plaid shorts on the line out behind their log cabin. She repeated word for word everything that Sally and Agnes had said. Then she flew off to wherever Ravens go when they are not at work, er butting in.

            Thaga said, “oh my Heavens!  Basket Woman!”  She went to the door of her house and yelled in to Ooog that she was going to go see Ramona for a minute or two.  Then she set out on the well worn path into the deeper woods and the clearing in front of the cave where Ralph, Ramona and Twigg live their mostly visible lives.

            It all happened pretty fast.

            Thaga came bustling into the clearing, Ramona was stoking up the fire for the midday cooking. Both ladies were in motion.

            Right at that moment, a large basket, apparently of its own volition came galloping upside down into the clearing. Ralph loped, grinning, after it.

            Thaga yelped! Ramona grabbed the basket and her son.

            Ralph stood there pleased with the action.

            “I taught him how to be invisible,” Ralph chortled.  “Bet you couldn’t see him Thaga!”

            “Bad timing Ralph!” said Thaga.   “Basket Woman is on the hunt looking for little pot roasts just like Twigg! When I saw that basket flying around it was too damn much Ralph.  You know Slapu can go cloaked just like you can, right?”

            The news was told in detail, quoting the Salish ladies.  Everyone calmed down. Twigg made himself visible and scarce.  Ramona brought out some dried apple slices and tea.

            Ralph employed one of his most important skills, that being Forest Security, Cryptid division.

            He announced that he had ways of dealing with the old biddy, Slapu, and she had better stay away. He smiled, large, competent, amiable, but sort of appalling too, at the souls gathered by his fire.  Everyone felt better.

            Thaga went back home and finished hanging up the laundry.  Then she went inside and told Ooog all about it, while cooking him some mushroom soup and browned butter biscuits.

All of this little story in one piece.