The Way It All Turned Out

 

 
            It was a fine pickle Ralph found himself in. He was in that rather middle-aged spot, so well-known by the Hairless.   
            Ralph was torn between his cheerful insouciant appetite for all the good things of life, but also his desire to appear as he always had, sleek, lithe, and breathtakingly powerful. Poor Ralph.
            And yet, somehow, an idea kept tickling his mind. It was unformed but he was working on it. The equation seemed flawed somehow. It seemed like Hairless mythological consensus of some kind. It didn’t add up for Ralph.
            “I can talk their talk, but they can’t walk my walk,” he said to himself. He hummed a kind of emphatic little tune, then sang the words with it. He liked it.
            The planet rolled over a couple of times. Ralph ate at home. Ramona didn’t bake biscuits, Thaga, being put in the know, did not send over any of those 8 inch in diameter cinnamon rolls.  Nobody said the words Honey Bear in his presence, even if they thought of it and giggled.
            Ramona ran out of coffee. Ralph really wanted a cup.
            He decided that this called for a visit with Rick over at the station. That was really just about all, he didn’t have any serious business to discuss with Rick, though he thought it might be fun to hear the gossip in the camp about the huge brown bear that had made such a ruckus in the campground a few days before.
            “Mona, my dear, I believe I shall go see Rick and have some coffee while I am there,” he said.
            “Oh, nice,” said faithful Ramona. “Why don’t you take a little run through the forest first?”
            “What an excellent idea,” Ralph said. “That’s just what I will do, then loop around to the station.”
            Now, Ralph doesn’t thump the ground like some of those guys you hear about. He has special hips, and special knee joints, and his feet are made to land softly. So, when he took off, first up to the big meadow, running past his log he made a splendid sight. His kingliness in full display he slipped up the path. He took a loop near the Alder Tree House, noting that they were indoors, so he didn’t stop.
            He ran through the woods to the smaller, wilder meadow, pacing himself, until he got to Bob’s Stump House, where he found Bob and Maurice working on a song about the mythical Honey Bear.
            “Why are you running, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob.
            “I’m on my way to see Ranger Rick,” said Ralph.
            “Do you want to hear our new song?” asked Bob.
            “Sure, I can stop for a minute. What’s it about?” said Ralph.
            “It’s the Honey Bear Polka!” said Maurice, starting right into playing it.
            “Hey, I know what,” said Ralph, “listen.”
            So, while Maurice played the tune to the Honey Bear Polka Ralph sang,
                        “I can talk their talk,”
                        “But they can’t walk my walk!”
            “That’s true, Ralphie,” sang Uncle Bob, looking happy as heck.
                        “Who can walk my walk?” sang Ralph, while Maurice went for it!
                        “I can walk my walk!
                        “So, watch me walk!”
                        “I know things they don’t!”
            “That was fun, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob.
            “Yes, it sure was! Now I gotta keep going!” said Ralph and he headed out for the ranger station at a full smooth lope.
            Of course, he had to come up through the forest, and check that the coast was clear before popping out from behind the station dumpster. It looked wide open, so he slipped right over to the door, knocked, and stuck his head in.
            “You there, Rick,” Ralph sang to the tune of the Honey Bear Polka.
            “I’m right here, Ralph. Why are you singing?” said Rick, seated at his desk.
            “Oh, Maurice and Uncle Bob started it. It’s hard to stop it, once started.”
            “Fair enough,” said Rick. “Want coffee?”
            “Yessir, I do. Hey, anymore talk about the big bear in the camp?” said Ralph.
            “Not much. Campers come and go. This new bunch doesn’t know what happened. And the bear hasn’t been back. Hannah was a little mad when she found out, but relieved that it was just you playing bear.”
            “Yeah, she probably didn’t like being scared,” said Ralph.
            “I have cherry turnovers today!” Rick said suggestively
            “What a lovely idea, I’ve never had a cherry turnover,” said Ralph, grabbing a seat, while Rick brought him some coffee in one hand, and carried the Tupperware box of turnovers out in his other hand.
            When Rick got to where he could see all of Ralph, he said, “What the heck happened, Ralph? Last time I saw you, you had a belly like a pre-hibernation grizzly bear!”
            “Ah, Rick,” Ralph said, smiling like the Buddha, “It’s good to be king of the Forest Giants!”
            “I have to believe what I see, Ralph, but…” said Rick, just standing there.
            “What can I say?” said Ralph, taking a little sip of Rick’s terrible Safeway coffee.

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