🐈‍⬛⭐The Tootsday Cat (Gossip) Report⭐🐈‍⬛

 

What it would really sound like.

☆🧡☆

            “Anything new, Miss Suzy,” inquired Toots, as it was time for the Tootsday Report.
            “Um, snack time! I’ll get back to you in a minute,” said Suzy. “OK. That didn’t take long!”
            “Oh! What kind did you get? Temptations? Or something else?”
            “Nope,” said Suzy. “We had two kinds of Japanese treats, shipped to our indulgent Auntie R. for us. Squishy things with no English on them, and crunchy things with no English on the package either. So elegant!”
            “Ooo!” said Toots. “So, how do you feel about butter?”
            “Ick,” said Suzy.
            “Check,” said Toots.
            “And check,” said Suzy. “Why do they keep trying to feed us that?”
            “Maybe they’re trying to get rid of it?”
            “Anything else?” inquired Miss Toots.
            “Well, let me tell you! Hold your potatoes, I think? Anyhow, I was napping under her desk yesterday and I happened to hear a conversation. Very hush hush! The story is that we are going to be in a book! Feature that, Tootsie!” whispered Suzy.
            “What in the world could there be to say about us? We never do anything or go anywhere! I bet she made it all up!” said Toots. “Nehhhkkk!!”
            “What a scary idea!” said Suzy. “I mean I could understand it if she was ratting on that Fluffbag, or grumpy Charlie, not to mention her adored darlings, the awful Scouts!”
            “I thought you liked those two!”
            “I did! Until they each outweighed me by three times!
            “Did I tell you about the latest? OK. Check this out! P bought a bag of catnip tea bags. Apparently, people drink this tea, Toots. Well, the adored Scouts stole two tea bags and chewed and snuffed them until they got rip-snorting high! Then, to top it off, they had a screaming fight on the kitchen floor!” said Suzy.
            “Ew, bad form,” agreed Toots.
            “Let me tell you what life is like these days, Dear. I don’t come out into the open until They are soundly asleep. I spend a lot of time under her desk, or behind the vacuum cleaner. They can’t fit behind it. They’re fat! Or, I have a safe nook under the bed. If they stick their noses too close…I growl as hard as I can go!”
            “It’s all about safety,” agreed Toots. “Sometimes I have to go undercover too!”
            “What does Sammie say?” said Suzy.
            “Not much. But I don’t see her hiding much. Maybe she’s a secret Warrior Ninja? But she sure doesn’t show appropriate Caution™, IMO. Toots looked a little concerned at this point.
            “Seems like she must be some kind of Ninja,” said Suzy, admiringly.
            “Do you have any special Purrs to report?” said Toots.
            “No special ones. Just the usual good stuff. Shelter, food, water, warmth, all in spite of the silly Scouts. No earthquakes! Ew! No volcanoes!” mrrred Suzy.
            “I haven’t seen any of those big Hairy guys out on the road recently either,” said Toots. “They give me the utter fantods,” she added, “Nor any fake owls hooting!”
            “I think we’re doing OK, Toots.”
            “I have to agree,” said Toots. “OK. I think that’s enough for today! Snooze well, undercover!”
            “Oh, I will, Honey, I will,” said Suzy.

            “Mrrrrt!”