Nottabear, But Close!

 

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            You know how it is. Suddenly, you just notice something you hadn’t been noticing. Then suddenly, there it is. In this case, it was Ralph’s tummy, and Ramona was doing the noticing.
            One early morning, just as she was waking, she noticed a big round thing right behind her under the quilt.
            “Bear!” thought Ramona, as she leapt out of bed. But when she looked back to the bed there was only Ralph. Rather a lot of Ralph. In fact, he had gotten rather rotund in his middle.
            As she stood there studying his tummy in the half light of their home cave, she wondered how it had happened. Not much had changed. Well, maybe.
            He still went out hunting, or fishing every day. He gathered firewood every day. Ramona just didn’t see how he could grow a bear’s tummy when he was so hardworking.
            She thought about the food she cooked. It was mostly fish, or soup, or eggs, or a roast of some kind. She thought maybe it was the cooking that did it! Oh, dear! It had been a long many years since they had eaten uncooked food like their ancestors.
            Ramona shuddered delicately, and went outside to work on her fire.
            When Ralph woke and yawning, wandered out to sit by the fire. It occurred to Ramona, looking at him, that an observer might actually mistake her Ralph for a bear. Embarrassing.
            “Baby,” she said, “why do so many Hairless men have such big bellies?”
            “Um. Beer? I don’t know for sure. What are you saying, Mona?” he said looking down at his own mid-section.
            “Well, I hope learning to cook didn’t make you look like one of them, Baby,” said Ramona. “I don’t really feel like eating raw fish and meat and stuff, do you?”
            “I don’t either, really. Though we could. Do you think it would help?” asked Ralph.
            “Can you think of anything else that makes humans look like bears?” said Ramona, not tipping her hand. She’s like that.
            “Maybe human food makes human bellies, Mona. I just love that junk, but I do kind of look like a bear. Maybe a Honey Bear!” he said, giggling. “Actually, I have an idea. Maybe when I go see Rick, I should just have the coffee! Surely, coffee never made anyone look like a bear, did it, Mona?”
            “I don’t see how it could,” she said.
            “Well, I know it wasn’t your good food. It was something else, and I think I know what. I’ll stick to coffee when I visit Rick, and lay off snitching Doritos, sad as that is!” he said.
            “I hate it when I run and all this jumps up and down. It’s not right. I’m supposed to glide!”
            “I know, Baby,” said Ramona. “I’ll stop making biscuits, and you don’t eat all Rick’s goodies and in no time, you will be just like you were before!”
            So, for breakfast they had coffee and some eggs and a bit of leftover venison. Not a carbohydrate in the bunch!

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