An Arboreal Rescue And A Love Story

 

“You know, I was mostly solitary until I was growing some silver hairs on my chin and down my back,” said Ralph. “There aren’t that many of us. Sometimes I wouldn’t see another Forest Keeper for many days.” 

“Forest Keeper? Is that what you call yourselves,” asked the forgetful hiker.

“Yeah, ‘course most of us don’t speak English very well. Other hairless have called our language Saslingua. I’m kind of a translator. I mean I don’t call it that. You people hang names on stuff, not us.”

“What did you say your name is,” asked Ralph.

“Now that you mention it, I don’t quite know,” murmured the hiker, dreamily.

“Oh. I expect it’ll come back to you. But, hey, good to have a guy to talk to. Maybe you can help me with idiom.” Ralph patted the man’s back with a big warm hand covered in sort of Chestnut colored fuzz. It almost knocked him over.

“Ramona, you don’t know her, is a talker. But, man, the girl always needs something.”

“You’re married,” asked the hiker, as he looked around himself. He seemed to be missing something. He looked worried or confused.

“Say…do you know what a leap year is?” Ralph smiled encouragingly.

“Yeah, I remember that. Feb. has 29 days in a leap year,” said the hiker vaguely.

“But do you know that custom where a female gets to be the one choosing on the 29th of February,” Ralph asked him.

“I guess so,” said the man.

“Let’s have a seat here on this convenient log and I’ll tell you the story of how Ramona met me,” invited Ralph. “You look like you could use a rest. By the way, where are your shoes? Shouldn’t you have a pack of some kind?”

“I don’t know. Not sure how I got here. So, um, what’s your name?” The young man sat down on the log wearily.

“Some lady who worked for a newspaper told her readers that my name was Ralph. So, Ralph I became. It was the beginning of my interaction with you hairless.”

Ralph sat down on the log with a great big sigh. He looked at the guy amiably.

“You hungry?”

“More thirsty,” said the guy. Worry lines formed between his eyebrows.

“Hang on, I’ve got some beers stashed under this log here.” Ralph pulled out a bottle of some kind of pale ale, the label said Likely Story.

“There, better?”

“Hey, thanks Ralph. Yeah, that is better.” Some life seemed to come back into our hiker. He smiled even. But like a little kid just waking up.

“Alright! It was several years ago. I was out doing my usual walk-about around some RV’s and camp sites, just to give the people something to think about. It was by a river up in the Baker National Forest. Well, that’s where we are now, but you probably don’t know that. Sorry, dude.

“What I would do is chuck a rock or a big hunk of tree at one of the campers during the night. Then I would hide behind a tree and see if anyone came out. Usually, they did. It was great.

“One of main things you should know about us is we love a practical joke better than dinner!

“The moon was shining with all its might! I decided to take a stroll downriver since it was so pretty out. The surface of the water shone like silver. I came to a little eddy where there was a nice pool. And I could see something happening out there in the water.

“Well, I’ll be darned. It was a girl Forest Keeper! She shone too. What I could see of her was reddish blond and curly. Hm, I thought. Maybe I should check this out. She almost seemed to be aware of me. I wasn’t sure. So, I approached the pool to get a better look. Her bosom winked in and out of the water and then she smiled at me. Well, kiddo, that was it. It was a leap year conquest. I saw those big brown eyes smiling at me and something weird happened to my head. I required her. I set about charming her with my songs and jokes, but really the joke was on me. She met me in the forest! Turnabout is fair play according to some of your hairless traditions. 

“So, yes, I am married. I have a little Twigg too. ‘As the twig is bent.’ It’s a joke, right?”

“Shoot. You can’t stay here. I better get you somewhere you can reconnect with your life. I bet you start remembering pretty quick here.”

Ralph snapped his fingers twice sharply. The hiker looked shocked all of a sudden and gazed all around himself. He leapt to his feet. His mouth gaped open in wonderment.

“I’ll walk with you to the Ranger’s house. I know it well. He has an outside outlet where I charge my phone. He pretends not to know. Anyhow, he will help you out of this dream you’re having Bub.”

So, they walked through the mighty Douglas firs and down paths through the undergrowth until the Ranger’s house was visible.

What’s your name now,” asked Ralph with a grin.

“Um, Pete. It’s Pete! Hey thanks Ralph!”

But when Pete turned to thank Ralph face to face, he found that he was alone. He shrugged and walked over to the Ranger’s front door and knocked.

************************************************

Now, you wouldn't be blamed for wondering how Peter Lennox found himself lost in the woods like this. Goodness! There is a starting point for every tale and maybe I should wander back up the narrative a little!

About Pete, well he was always a good kid, but he lost things, and forgot things. But he was smart. He ended up teaching beginning physics at the University of Washington. He had some ideas that he was working on, that if anyone ever took them seriously, would change how things were perceived and how some things were done.

He had gone hiking that fateful day with two of his students, also brilliant young fellows. They were walking the highway beside a pleasant little river when Pete wanted to rest and put his feet in the water. He told the two students to go on. He would catch up with them in a few minutes if they didn’t walk as fast as they could. So, they said OK. They would go on down the road but expect to see him coming along soonish.

Pete picks his way through the brush beside the road and stashes his daypack under a convenient fir, up against the trunk. He goes down to the bank of the river, sits on a large basalt erratic and removes his shoes and socks. He throws them up the bank, so they don’t get lost or wet. Then he happily puts his feet into the glacier melt, very brisk it was!

He was sitting there musing on string theory and particles or some such, when he noticed an odd thing. Coming down the river toward him, but under the surface of the water were some very bright lights. So bright that even in full daylight they were very visible. It caught his attention to the extent that he was somewhat dazed. He didn’t run or even just walk out of the situation. His bemused state and his curiosity kept him stationary.

As he was watching an NSV lifted out of the water and moved over to the riverbank, settling there. It was dark green, with a dull surface. Not shiny at all. You know the scene. The craft opened. Two characters got out of it. They wore dark green coveralls with a plastic device like a planet fused onto the left side lapel.

They looked humanoid enough for a slightly befuddled physics type to feel comfortable chatting with. As he was answering questions and making whatever strange type of small talk that would happen in such a situation, the techs from the green NSV, took blood, skin, and saliva samples from Peter, who didn’t seem to mind at all.

They were just asking him if he would like to have a ride in their vehicle, when they heard someone approaching on foot. This was not supposed to happen. They only meant to encounter isolated individuals, so they packed up, leaving Pete on the riverbank, plunged back into the river and continued downstream with lights off.

Lucky for Pete, the person approaching was Ralph, and they got to talking….