A Truly Cornball Interview

 The scene is Camano Island State Park

Camano island was the location of our earlier interview with Ralph, the bi-lingual gentleman Sasquatch. Today we have an opportunity to chat with his wife, Ramona.

My name, as you remember, is Millicent Price, of The Everett Clarion Times Revealator.

M: Greetings Ramona, I bet it was a long hike for you all the way from eastern Snohomish county! I'm imagining the map now, how did you do it, by starting out yesterday?

R: Hi Millicent!  Oh no, walking all that way would be much too slow! I have a better way of getting around.

M: Would you care to share that with our readers Ramona?

R: Look,I'm not supposed to talk about this but we go into a kind of opening in the forest, and come out where we want to go!  It's quite neat. Ralph is going to raise a lot of noise about me telling, but he'll get over it.  I popped out under the bridge leading into Stanwood. You couldn't see it, unless you knew where it was exactly.

M: Say,um, I wonder if you'd care for a corn dog?  They are still warm.  I hear that Ralph is fond of them, and the gummi bears, of course. Hey maybe you could explain how these "holes" work?

R: Oh, sure, thanks Millicent. We don't really know how they work.  They just do.  More stuff the Skymen made.  They use them too. They like to send lightballs out of them to mess with people.  Real jokers, those guys!

M:  Gosh, Ramona, there is so much I would like to know about you people.  Some woman named Molly wrote in to the paper, and said you guys have a way of staying under water as long as you like.  Is this true, or just a crazy crystal-crunching old rocker's story?

R: Well....it's like this. One of things you hairless wonders don't know about us is that we are equipped by the Skymen with a kind of gills that can pull oxygen and even food elements out of sea water and even fresh water, though fresh water is dirtier and less nutritious.  I may get an actual beating for this one! 

M: This would explain a lot of confusing sightings, such as appearances and disappearances.  So you can just float around out there as long as you like?  Wow.  I am going to have to just sit with this and let it sink in for a while Ramona.

R: Yeah, sometimes people think we are sea monsters,or giant squids, or all kinds of other silly stuff.  It's actually pretty fun to put a fright into gullible fishermen or other boaters. We do love a joke!

Say, this is a pretty good corn dog!

We just sat for a while, gazing out toward Whidbey Island and munched on our little picnic of dogs and bears in companionable relative silence. Then Ramona lifted her big blond furry head and seemed to listen for a bit, with a worried wrinkle forming between her eyes.

R: Hey Millicent, I really appreciate this chance to talk without Ralph domineering the conversation, but I think I better get out of here.

M: Wait a minute Ramona!  What's wrong? Something is obviously bothering you.  But what?

R: Oh Jeez, somehow he figured out where I am and that I am talking about stuff he thinks is a big secret. Like anyone would believe it anyhow!  Come on....traveling through holes in space and time and breathing underwater? Nah! But he is hopping in that hole right now and is going to be here shortly!  I gotta go! Gotta split, lady!

M: Um....well, thanks! It was a treat to meet you Ramona...........

R: Hey, there is another one of those holes up in the woods there and I'm getting in it.  See ya toots!

She leaps up, wild blond dreads and curls bouncing, and books it into the woods up across from the parking lot faster than any sprinter I have ever seen. She was here, and then she just plain was not!

 Well, this is Millicent Price signing off.  I gathered that this interview was terminated. But, I am open to more anytime I get the word from the woods or the water!

That's all until next time.

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