A Feline Symposium On Human Moods

 

 

 

            “I know we laugh at them sometimes, but we do love them, after all,” mused Suzy. She had called Toots and Sammie, and they had been chatting about something that was on Suzy’s mind. Willie was hanging around in the background, as usual.

            “How do you know when your human is sad?” said Toots.

            “Oh, it’s mostly like weather. It’s just there, but there are signs too,” said Suzy.

            “Well, you could try looking at her face, Suzy,” said Willie.

            “Yeah, I know. Also, listen. No laughing. Sitting too still also,” said Suzy.

            “It’s bad when they stare into space. It’s not the same thing as when we stare into space. It means they’re off. Way off!” said Willie.

            “How about when she sits with part of a cup of cold coffee. Just sits and holds it? Brrrr!” said Suzy. “That’s actually a little frightening.”

            “I guess the point has to be then, what do we do about it?” said Toots. “I, personally, believe they need a little stimulus. I find that some grooming of the wrist is helpful! Then a friendly little nip! Not a serious nip! Just the kind you might give a grumpy kitten!”

            “I haven’t thought of that one,” said Suzy. “But it might work here too. Next time I see her get stuck in a blue spot, I think I will try it!”

            “When it’s way crazy early in the morning and she is sitting at her desk, that is a potentially sad time. What I do is get on the arm of her chair and tap her elbow with just a bit of claw in it, until she wakes up enough to pull out that platform thing. Then I get on it, and I grab her wrist and hug it. I make her notice me. I hit her with waves of cat love, the best I know! This usually works well. She laughs at me, and then she starts typing. I know she’s doing her good mornings to her invisible friends. Then I know she’s OK,” said Willie. He looked like he was very serious about this.

            “Yeah, Willie, you are her TrueCat™. I know that, and I don’t take it amiss. I know she loves me too, because she often tells me so,” said Suzy.

            “That’s a high calling, Willie,” said Toots. “I am glad to see that you take it seriously.”

            “Heh. The guy is easy. If he gets all moody lookin’, I just land on his lap like a hairy sack of spuds. Then he pets me and talks to me, and I figure my work is done! Easy! Well, to tell the truth, I do nip him a little. LOL! Maybe nipping guys IS the way to cure em?”

            “I’m a believer in the deep meaningful stare of profound compassion,” said Sammie.

            “Oh, then you’re a practitioner of the higher Woo™ arts!” said Suzy. “Je suis impressionné”

            “Oh, get out, Suzy! You don’t speak French!” howled Willie.

            “You don’t speak English, Willie!” snorted Suzy.

            “If I were there, meat space, I would biff you both a good one,” said Toots. “Do try to stay on topic, thank you both!”

            “Amen,” said Sammie! “I hear that you two are 9 years old and still hissing and snorting at each other! Goodness!”

            “MEW!” said Willie, stifling giggles.

            “Browww?” said Suzy, trying to look innocent and not succeeding.

            “Order please!” intoned Toots, whipping her tail horizontally.

            “Now, let us not forget one of the oldest and most basic of human taming moves. The classic Head Butt. Haha, Willie! No, I am not confused! Be serious please!” said Toots.

            “Head butting is a good one. They often fall right into line, giggling and smiling, if I  head butt them,” agreed Suzy.

            “Don’t forget running through the house like that laser dot can fly and I gotta get it. They cheer up when I do that,” said Willie. “Also, if I roll over and show them my belly, with paws folded! She always mentions how cute that is, even if it is somewhat beneath my dignity as a tom cat. I’ll do it for love though. Clowning always seems to get them.”

            Four cats nodded in unison. It is a basic truism about people and cats.

            “Have we all learned anything?” asked Sammie.

            “I think we traded some ideas. I like that nipping one,” said Suzy, enthusiastically.

            “I thought of one more,” said Willie. “She loves it when we dive right into our food! She does. They hate it when we sniff it and act like we might possibly eat it later, though that is fun.”

            “Yeah, they like that!” said Toots. Everyone else nodded.

            “Very well, then. Since I called this meeting, I will also call it done! This meeting is adjourned! Let us Purr™ for our people, who depend on us, and all other cats! Let us go out and do our jobs as well as we can manage!” announced Suzy.

 

“Meowadieu,” all said together!

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