“Hey, Ralphie,” called Uncle Bob as he
trundled down to the fire circle. “Guess what?” he said. “You’ll never guess!”
Ralph wasn’t really listening to Uncle Bob at the moment. He couldn’t concentrate on his old buddy because he kept hearing, or feeling, a weird noise, or buzz, or something. But he didn’t know where it was.
It felt close, but no matter where he looked he didn’t see anything strange.
“What’sa matter, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob, realizing that Ralph wasn’t listening to him.
Ralph focused on Uncle Bob, suddenly. He stropped gyrating around looking for the thing.
“I can’t feel it exactly, maybe I kind of hear it, and it’s really close!” said Uncle Bob.
“What does it sound like,” demanded Ralph!
“I remember, Ralphie!” said Uncle Bob, in a soft stage whisper with his eyes squinted. “It tickles! It’s like those cameras they put on trees! The ones we have to walk around!”
“Yeah, Bob! Sure! But where in my grannie’s toenails is it? I have looked at everything! There is no trail camera here! I can promise you that!”
“Oo! Ralphie, turn around. Let me look at your back!” said Uncle Bob. “Don’t get mad!”
Ralph laughed, because he doesn’t really get mad, even if he is yelling a little. So, he turned around and let Bob check his back. He hadn’t really thought of that himself, because, heck, he can’t see his back.
About then Ramona opened the green door and came out carrying some cooking equipment. She was getting ready to make dinner, and she could see that there would be company. This was normal. Uncle Bob was like a pet, or a brother who won’t go away, or just a silly old friend and she did care for him and worry about whether he was eating out there at his Stump House.
Anyway, seeing the boys busy with something, she said, “what are you two up to?”
“Um, we feel something itchy, or tickly. Bob thinks it’s like a trail camera tickle. So, he’s checking my back because it’s nowhere else around here. I looked at everything!” said Ralph.
“I found something, Ralphie,” crowed Uncle Bob.
“What,” said both Ralph and Ramona together.
“I don’t know. It looks like a burr, but there are wires and stuff on it, and a black thread hanging down. I see a little whisker thing,” said Bob.
“Let me see it,” said Ralph.
So, Bob pulled the thing out of the hair between Ralph’s shoulder blades and brought it around his front so he could see it.
“Maybe you should break it!” said Ramona. “I would!”
“I know you would, Mona! Not a doubt in my mind,” said Ralph.
Uncle Bob displayed the thing in the palm of his rather grimy hand.
All three stared at it.
You remember that Uncle Bob said that Ralph always had the best ideas for pranks and such wholesome fun. He didn’t let them down this time either.
“OK, so somebody set up a kind of trap somewhere on the trails here in the great forest. This little thing feels itchy like a camera, but it might just be a kind of tattle tale machine to tell them, whoever they are, where I go. They want to find me, or any one of us! This shall not be!
“Well, I propose a sort of game for them!” said Ralph, with a gleam in his thoughtful eye. He took the thing from Bob’s open palm and tossed it about in his own hand a few times while thinking.
“I guess I’ll leave you two to it,” said Ramona, turning to her fire, and getting on with things. She called Twigg and asked him to fetch some more firewood. She made sure Cherry was where she was supposed to be. She smiled at Ralph and Uncle Bob working on their project.
“I propose a wild goose chase! Only the goose will be whoever set this little monster loose on us. We need to attach it to some other creature for them to track. But which one?” said Ralph.
“But whoever wears it can’t know they are wearing it,” agreed Bob, getting right into the spirit of the thing. This was just like old times to him. He felt a surge of youthful energy.
“I don’t think it’s fair to put it on any living creature,” said Ralph. “I have a better idea. Let’s put it on something else, but it has to be something that moves.”
“OK, Ralphie! But what?” said Bob. “A robot?”
“Bob, robots don’t come out to the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest! They are mostly urban. I haven’t seen any robots out here, have you?”
“No, but…” mumbled Uncle Bob.
“Listen, you know that ice cream truck that comes down the highway out there? I think we should stall it somehow, just for a minute, you know. And then put the thing on the ice cream truck! Can you imagine them following that around until they find out who they’ve been following?”
As it happened, the ice cream truck hadn’t been by yet. He came in the late afternoon usually. The wide spot on Highway 20 where everybody ends up parking was where he turned around and headed back into town.
So Ralph and Bob went out there and lurked, waiting for the truck to come for his U turn. “When he gets here, you go out and distract him Bob. Do something nuts! Dance or anything and I’ll sneak up and stick it somewhere on the back of his truck. OK?”
So when Fidel Lopez got to the wide spot and was preparing to turn around, he saw something unbelievable. It was something he never spoke of to anyone, not even Maria.
A fat, not very tall, dusty looking Sasquatch walked right out of the trees and started moon walking back and forth right in front of his terrified eyes. He was struck dumb and frozen for at least five minutes. By then Ralph’s work was done in the back. He had stuffed the tracker into a spot behind the license plate, then zoomed back into the forest. Bob saw him and followed.
Released from the spell, Fidel drove home shaking his head and blinking his eyes.
Ralph and Uncle Bob returned to the Home Clearing, hungry, and full of the warm glow of accomplishment. They just wished that there was some way for them to know how it all worked out. But some things you just have to take on faith and hope.
When they got back every one, the kids, the cats and Ramona were eating fish, but there was lots left for Ralph and Uncle Bob!
“Hey, Ralphie, you know what happened to me today? Bet you can’t guess!” said Uncle Bob.
“No, I can’t guess, you better tell me!” said Ralph.
Ralph wasn’t really listening to Uncle Bob at the moment. He couldn’t concentrate on his old buddy because he kept hearing, or feeling, a weird noise, or buzz, or something. But he didn’t know where it was.
It felt close, but no matter where he looked he didn’t see anything strange.
“What’sa matter, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob, realizing that Ralph wasn’t listening to him.
Ralph focused on Uncle Bob, suddenly. He stropped gyrating around looking for the thing.
“I can’t feel it exactly, maybe I kind of hear it, and it’s really close!” said Uncle Bob.
“What does it sound like,” demanded Ralph!
“I remember, Ralphie!” said Uncle Bob, in a soft stage whisper with his eyes squinted. “It tickles! It’s like those cameras they put on trees! The ones we have to walk around!”
“Yeah, Bob! Sure! But where in my grannie’s toenails is it? I have looked at everything! There is no trail camera here! I can promise you that!”
“Oo! Ralphie, turn around. Let me look at your back!” said Uncle Bob. “Don’t get mad!”
Ralph laughed, because he doesn’t really get mad, even if he is yelling a little. So, he turned around and let Bob check his back. He hadn’t really thought of that himself, because, heck, he can’t see his back.
About then Ramona opened the green door and came out carrying some cooking equipment. She was getting ready to make dinner, and she could see that there would be company. This was normal. Uncle Bob was like a pet, or a brother who won’t go away, or just a silly old friend and she did care for him and worry about whether he was eating out there at his Stump House.
Anyway, seeing the boys busy with something, she said, “what are you two up to?”
“Um, we feel something itchy, or tickly. Bob thinks it’s like a trail camera tickle. So, he’s checking my back because it’s nowhere else around here. I looked at everything!” said Ralph.
“I found something, Ralphie,” crowed Uncle Bob.
“What,” said both Ralph and Ramona together.
“I don’t know. It looks like a burr, but there are wires and stuff on it, and a black thread hanging down. I see a little whisker thing,” said Bob.
“Let me see it,” said Ralph.
So, Bob pulled the thing out of the hair between Ralph’s shoulder blades and brought it around his front so he could see it.
“Maybe you should break it!” said Ramona. “I would!”
“I know you would, Mona! Not a doubt in my mind,” said Ralph.
Uncle Bob displayed the thing in the palm of his rather grimy hand.
All three stared at it.
You remember that Uncle Bob said that Ralph always had the best ideas for pranks and such wholesome fun. He didn’t let them down this time either.
“OK, so somebody set up a kind of trap somewhere on the trails here in the great forest. This little thing feels itchy like a camera, but it might just be a kind of tattle tale machine to tell them, whoever they are, where I go. They want to find me, or any one of us! This shall not be!
“Well, I propose a sort of game for them!” said Ralph, with a gleam in his thoughtful eye. He took the thing from Bob’s open palm and tossed it about in his own hand a few times while thinking.
“I guess I’ll leave you two to it,” said Ramona, turning to her fire, and getting on with things. She called Twigg and asked him to fetch some more firewood. She made sure Cherry was where she was supposed to be. She smiled at Ralph and Uncle Bob working on their project.
“I propose a wild goose chase! Only the goose will be whoever set this little monster loose on us. We need to attach it to some other creature for them to track. But which one?” said Ralph.
“But whoever wears it can’t know they are wearing it,” agreed Bob, getting right into the spirit of the thing. This was just like old times to him. He felt a surge of youthful energy.
“I don’t think it’s fair to put it on any living creature,” said Ralph. “I have a better idea. Let’s put it on something else, but it has to be something that moves.”
“OK, Ralphie! But what?” said Bob. “A robot?”
“Bob, robots don’t come out to the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest! They are mostly urban. I haven’t seen any robots out here, have you?”
“No, but…” mumbled Uncle Bob.
“Listen, you know that ice cream truck that comes down the highway out there? I think we should stall it somehow, just for a minute, you know. And then put the thing on the ice cream truck! Can you imagine them following that around until they find out who they’ve been following?”
As it happened, the ice cream truck hadn’t been by yet. He came in the late afternoon usually. The wide spot on Highway 20 where everybody ends up parking was where he turned around and headed back into town.
So Ralph and Bob went out there and lurked, waiting for the truck to come for his U turn. “When he gets here, you go out and distract him Bob. Do something nuts! Dance or anything and I’ll sneak up and stick it somewhere on the back of his truck. OK?”
So when Fidel Lopez got to the wide spot and was preparing to turn around, he saw something unbelievable. It was something he never spoke of to anyone, not even Maria.
A fat, not very tall, dusty looking Sasquatch walked right out of the trees and started moon walking back and forth right in front of his terrified eyes. He was struck dumb and frozen for at least five minutes. By then Ralph’s work was done in the back. He had stuffed the tracker into a spot behind the license plate, then zoomed back into the forest. Bob saw him and followed.
Released from the spell, Fidel drove home shaking his head and blinking his eyes.
Ralph and Uncle Bob returned to the Home Clearing, hungry, and full of the warm glow of accomplishment. They just wished that there was some way for them to know how it all worked out. But some things you just have to take on faith and hope.
When they got back every one, the kids, the cats and Ramona were eating fish, but there was lots left for Ralph and Uncle Bob!
“Hey, Ralphie, you know what happened to me today? Bet you can’t guess!” said Uncle Bob.
“No, I can’t guess, you better tell me!” said Ralph.
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