A Woodsy Conversation

 

Ralph:   Maeve…. What are you doing upside down?

Maeve:    I’m trying to gain perspective.

R.:         Body posture isn’t everything Maeve.  What are you talking about anyhow?

(Ralph is lounging on his favorite mossy log, near the cave.)

M.:       Say, did you know that Maeve means intoxicating? Back in mythic times she was a warrior queen in pre-Christian Ireland. I bet they all were. Warrior queens, that is.

R.:        Looks more like intoxicated at the moment. Did you name yourself?

M.:       Yes, very funny. What I mean is that nothing makes sense anymore. For instance, you Ralph.  You are a near mythical hominid, but you have a ball cap on. Riddle me that!  Also, how did you find one big enough?

R.:     They’re adjustable. You’re trying to avoid answering me!

M.:    No. It’s hard to explain. Has Mankind always been so self-destructive? They worry me. As you know, I see it all. I also hear all. That engineer says that I am a spy.  But I am really more like a witness.

R.:     Bad timing.  I was just starting to modernize. Heck, Ramona cooks! No Sqatchwife ever did THAT before.  Thaga said she would teach Ramona to knit! Can you see Twigg in sweaters? Can you see me in a sweater!

M.:   Never mind all that Ralph. I see that bone pipe in your mouth. Where do you get tobacco?  What in the world….? You spend too much time peeking into windows. Next, you’ll want a recliner in the cave. Did you make that thing? You know, you already smell pretty much like an annoyed skunk.

R.:   Yeah. I sawed off a section of deer leg bone after Ramona was done boiling it clean and I hollowed it out. I had to work on it in some guy’s garage while he was sleeping. I figured if he came out, I would scare him. That usually works.

Yes.  They’ve always been self-destructive.  Next question.  Why do you think we stay, mostly, away from them?

Tobacco? Did I say that? (he fiddles around with his pipe a bit, grinning)

M.:   Oh no.

R.:   Yeah, Uncle Bob traded that Portable Portal to some Plaidies for enough of this for both of us!

M.:   Who are Plaidies?

R.:   I don’t like to say.  Bad stuff happens if you call them out. We invented that name because they wear little plaid coats. They are about the size of gophers.  Really cute! Sharp traders too!

M.:   You and Bob are hobnobbing with the wee folk? He’s already lost the best gadget he will ever have.  For weed?  What next?

(Maeve rights herself on the branch.  Her bright black eyes regard Ralph sharply.)

R.:   I don’t feel like I can go back Maeve.  It seems like once you know a thing you have to decide something about it. One of them said you are responsible for what you know.

We used to eat deer, rabbits, fish, and birds raw.  I can’t do that again. Disgust might be one of Mankind’s defining features. Once you feel it, though, it doesn’t just disappear.

I am not one of them. But I don’t think they should get all the good stuff, you know?

(Ralph turns his cap around backwards, tucks his pipe down under his favorite mossy log and heads back to the cave to see if Ramona has something good for dinner.

Maeve takes her black shiny self to wherever it is that Ravens go when they leave the conversation. She is rather amused at Ralph thinking that Ramona isn't going to smell it on him.)