“It smells like MD2020, like I would know….isn’t that what Bob drinks……oh no! He’s not here, is he?” Ramona leapt to her feet looking around wildly! She looked at Ralph with hope draining from her big brown eyes.
“I told him he could come over. He has something for us!” said Ralph, with a smile on his big mug. “I said we could have some pork roast!”
He rolled over a big log then just to get out of her sight! Ramona had a pretty good throwing arm and plenty of ammunition to hand.
About then, just in time to avert disaster depending on your point of view, Uncle Bob popped into view. And I do mean popped. First, he was not there, then he was there. Like that mountain. He looked like he had pet cockroaches. He looked like he died last week. If he wore pants the zipper would be 20 inches long, he had such a belly! He had a kind of pouch thing on a long strap over his shoulder and across his belly diagonally. This was unusual. Forest Folk are usually unadorned.
“Hey,” said Uncle Bob. Now you must understand that he is only called Uncle because. He wasn’t anybody’s Uncle really. Nobody but Ralph would even talk to him. Bob didn’t care though, because he was perma-stoned.
“Hey…uh..” he was stuffing something into that pouch on his belly. At the same time he said, “I got you a cat! Look!” He held a lady cougar up by her scruff, while she kicked and screamed. Bob had pretty long arms so it kinda worked.
Ramona stepped way, way back. Her golden fur flashed in the muted sunlight as she sprang out of the way of the slashing claws.
Ralph got up from behind his log. He looked interested. “Let’s see…” said Ralph, reaching for the lioness.
“Dammit, Bob,” said the cat. “Put me down!”
She got a hind foot up on his face and started kicking. Fur flew. Also spit.
“You can get stuffed if you think you can keep catching me and keep taking me places. I will not comply, you horse’s posterior!
“When Tyler hears me, he will show up! Put me down!” she screamed.
An answering scream rent the air. Tyler had heard her.
“See,” said the cat! “Now you wait!”
About then she managed to twist her scruff out of Uncle Bob’s fist and took off into the forest. Last seen she was just a long tan tail disappearing into the shady undergrowth and ferns.
“Well, darn,” said Ralph. “I wanted a kitty, not a full-grown lioness. There she goes! I don’t want to talk to Tyler about this, Bob. Really, don't bring her here again."
“Hey, um, btw, how did you get here so fast, anyhow?”
A slow conspiratorial grin spread over Uncle Bob’s face. He blinked several times, sleepily. It was pretty gruesome to observe, but I digress.
“Lookie here R-bo,” said Bob reaching into his mysterious pouch. “I got this thing from some dudes in shiny green rompers the other day. I think they flew here from somewhere..but anyhow, man, it’s a portable portal. It’s way cool, Ralphie!”
Out of the pouch Uncle Bob pulled a circle of shining light that was flexible and compressible into a little shiny handful. He demonstrated it by holding it out and shaking it. It then became somewhat firm. He let go and it hung there in the air, shining, turning around anti-clockwise and making a slight electronic humming sound.
“Hold my hand Ralph, and I’ll jump through for a minute, but I don’t want to get lost, so hang on!” Ralph grabbed Bob’s paw and hung on and then Bob jumped into the circle and pretty much disappeared, except for his hand. In a moment he came back.
“See! It’s really cool.” He gave the circle a little shake and it collapsed into his hand, and he stuffed it back into the pouch. “Good thing you hung on, man, I was hanging out of a window somewhere…”
Ramona rolled her eyes, looking up into the forest canopy as if to say, “did you see that, God?”
“That is a super cool thing Bob,” said Ralph, “but why did they give it to you?”
“Oh,” said Uncle Bob, “I got them completely wasted, and sold them some of my herb. Ever see a stoned UFO pilot Ralph? Funny stuff, man….”
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