So I'm Sitting Alone Somewhere Grinning...

 What do all these smiles mean?

A lot of this stuff is just me asking the Universe questions.  This time I was asking why am I sitting here grinning like a monkey all by my lonesome?  Having asked it, it therefore seems to me that there are several kinds of smiles.  

• That meant to disarm or charm. To cajole another?
• That meant to create fellow feeling, or to comfort.
• That to express common joy with others.
• Private amusement.  Nobody is watching!
• Private exultation!  They're still not watching.
  
  
  
• What does it mean when she does it?

It seems as if there is a natural hominid reaction to satisfaction that involves pulling the lips away from the teeth and maybe squinting the eyes a bit.  

I think that in we higher hominids it can be even a private expression of pure joy.  I sure do experience that private joy and I am surely smiling all by myself.  Sometimes it's just a joke or a nice bit of news also.

Smile is a rather general word.  It could be divided up into a few other terms such as grin, grimace, gloat, beam, smirk and so on.  Those throw a bit of flavor on the concept.

One of the things I like about a smile is that you can start at the physical end and affect the mental.  "Smile though your heart is breaking..."

As with so many other things in life on this planet, if you portray that which you desire to be true...many times the effort will bear fruit.  I know I sound like such a mom.  Oh well.

Even mighty warriors of either sex have to grin their way out of pain and woe sometimes!

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Yeah!

There is a dark aspect also, but that's not what we're talking about here is it?  It would be a shame to misuse something like a smile.

How Raven Lost And Found His Love

 Once I heard Raven talking right here at home.

He chuckled in his deep voice up in my neighbor's tallest tree.  Hello there deep talker.  Why are you here today?  Where are my chatty crows and all the little tits and sparrows?

Says Raven they are quiet for I am here speaking.

I should add that I am Otter for I had the unbidden totemic dream and I know.  For what its worth.

Says Raven, I have been dreaming again.  Would you like to hear?

Says Otter:  Tell me!

I dream that I am alone.  I dream my love has gone but I know not whether she is dead or I have lost her love.  I search among the tallest trees from Tlingit, even over to Makah, and now at Tulalip.  I have carried meat for her for many sorrowing wing beats.

Oh Broken Heart, says Otter.  Foolish Lover.  Look behind you.  Your Love never left you.  There where the sun is brightest.  See her there.  Where the trees are thickest in the deepest forest.  Stop your dreaming.  She is here.

So she was.  And all went as before in the nation of the Raven.

Did You Ever Feel Like If You Just Worried Enough All Would Go Right?

Conversely, did you ever feel irresponsible and careless if you were not worrying?

Joshua 1:9

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

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We sure hear a lot about courage in that old Book.  Its almost like fear is one of man's biggest failings.  In fact, it seems like we jealously guard our fears.  We fear for legitimate reasons and for the souls that we love.  Surely that only makes sense!  How dare the Almighty require that we give them up?  They are part of our very being. But He does.

Back when I was helping at that deliverance ministry we prayed about fear with everyone.  We had them confess fear as sin.  Heavy duty huh?

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1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Now to try to understand what it means to be perfected in love.

Breaking The Surface

 There is an odor to the forest you know?  There is a hot summer resinous odor.  A special kind of warm that goes with the insect noises and the drowsiness.

There is also a late fall drippy odor, and a kind of special heavy silence.  A pregnant silence.  Almost you can feel the weight. Its fungal.  If you've ever gone into an abandoned building in the northern forests, where no one has lit a fire in many years, or indeed one year, there is an unforgettable scent of ruin and decay.  

Taking a moment to glance around, you will see signs of a life that was lived there before.  The habitations of man don't suspend their destruction in the damp forest.  Magazines, books, fabrics, the very wood of the structure have begun their dissolution.  You can smell it.  Fungal.  A kind of deadening of sound ensues.

Glass and metal and crockery maintain themselves as before.

I know a man who makes a bit of a living mining these old broken houses.  Some of them are way up old driveways into the forest, some of them sit in farm fields.  If you see a stand of overgrown trees out in a field, there is very likely a forgotten house centered among them.

Now, I know this man, for a truth.  But I also have heard of a sort of being who also mines the leavings of mankind.  He has several names.  None of them names he has given himself or his children.  A lock, a door, a window are no hindrance to this one.  We wonder what he finds of interest there.  Perhaps a tool would be of use to him.  Maybe some dried food, if its not too far gone to mold and mildew.  

Perhaps, were you near, you would hear his husky voice.  Maybe he knows humor.  You might hear a kind of sardonic scoffing as he rifles the broken bits.

His photo is naturally hard to procure.   Maybe a bit like this?

Or maybe not!

I Remember The 1950s Vaguely

 1951

For a kid, it was a very cheesy era.  Were we all crackers?  You'd sure be excused for thinking so, when considering the media and the popular arts of the decade.

I remember Frank Sinatra singing on the radio.   You Could Be Swinging On A Star!  There were several movies.  Fantasia was memorable.  I remember mostly some of the fantastical happenings in the Alice movie.  I found out later that the drawings were pretty bad compared to the illustrations in the book.

  My upbringing was most definitely working class so there were only a couple of movies...though at some point my father brought home a small black and white tv.  Micky Mouse club, and various local kid's programs became our main commercial entertainment.  We mostly entertained ourselves outside the house, as children did in that decade and the one following.

I remember some sad stuff too.  I was very aware of a kind of depression in men we knew of, who still were feeling the war.  Some of the culture was very noir. There were whispers of crimes back in the woods.  Mothers would hush up when we came near to listen.  We children were nosy!  Criminals of perception, ht/ E.L. Doctrow, Book of Daniel.

 I remember sitting in an old car out in the dark and the rain while my parents were in some office paying a bill.  This was Seattle in the 50s.  I swear I hear Harlem Nocturne in my head when I think back to that night.

Towards the end of the decade and into the next, I did some babysitting in the neighborhood and I got to see some sad situations, and know some parents who were struggling a bit.  After all they were hiring a big child to take care of their little children.  It seems a bit risky now.

My mother was a school bus driver, so after school I was taking care of three younger siblings every week day.  Always with the kids.  I cooked for them too.  When I say I am all cooked out you can see why.  Its been a long time in the kitchen.

Of our small group here, I believe Deputy Dogge and I are the only children of the end of the 40s.  I'm sure he could tell about the 50s from his side of the country.  I may be forgetting Bakokitty?

It was all pretty good, mostly.  We went to school.  We did college. Some of us were pretty hip!  lol  Music was EVERYthing to us.  It spoke for us.  A very big subject.  I won't even start tonight.

None of my sibs went into the service.  But we were mostly girls.  We grew.  We married.  We raised children.  We became the Boomers.

I thought maybe this was true.  And maybe it is.  In the 50s you could still watch Disney Programs..

Yes, my youngest sister was a bit of a nut.  Somebody always has to mess up a photo.  Its traditional.

The Problem of Being Human, How To Stand Against The Flesh

 Galatians 5:17-25

17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

19 Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: [a]adultery, [b]fornication, uncleanness, lewdness, 20 idolatry, sorcery, hatred, contentions, jealousies, outbursts of wrath, selfish ambitions, dissensions, heresies, 21 envy, [c]murders, drunkenness, revelries, and the like; of which I tell you beforehand, just as I also told you in time past, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 [d]gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.

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Thinking about the Law of Moses.  A kind of rough fence for human nature?  The Spirit in the sense of these verses supersedes the law because it surpasses the requirements of the law.  

Jesus, himself, said that not one jot of the law would be done away with.  So how does this work?  The law is maintained within the works of the Spirit of righteousness?  These are just my thoughts tonight.   

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                                                     Matthew 5:16-18      16In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. 17Do not think that I have come to abolish the Law or the Prophets. I have not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. 18For I tell you truly, until heaven and earth pass away, not a single jot, not a stroke of a pen, will disappear from the Law until everything is accomplished.…    ******************************************

  In a sense the law was put there to prove to us that we cannot, in our flesh, keep the requirements of the law.  This has been so well proven.  Once again, just how I see things.  And what a relief it is to rise above the flesh.

November 1- Candy On Sale Day

 Fall is beginning for real now.  The year is closing down now.  Silly Oct. 31 is done.  The weather is iffy, unpleasant and even punitive.  Or bright, colorful, breezy, full of potential not present during hot days.  Days when we can break out our heavier clothes and enjoy the difference in fabrics and colors.  Actually wear socks!

Two  American holidays are staring us in the face.  I am weary of common holidays.  Maybe I need to stop worrying about doing things right and just do them joyfully?  To quote myself, "Joy negates both happiness and sorrow."

Somewhere long ago I read the saying Ennui Is On Me.  

Its not a good thing.  Shows a true lack of gratitude.  Where do I get off being tired of this life.  What was the alternative.  Nothingness.  No being at all?  Being is pretty heavy duty stuff.  Lord, have mercy on me.

I feel like I need to submerge myself in Ecclesiastes for a while.  That book is a great perspective corrective.

Ecc 12:1

Remember now thy Creator in the days of thy youth, while the evil days come not,  nor the years draw nigh,  when thou shalt say, I have no pleasure in them.

Ecc 12:13

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.

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