As True As I Can Make It!

 

            One of the important things about harboring small felines is that you must always attend to what they are trying to tell you! They don’t say much, usually, though some are very wordy, but most cats speak silently when they have a message to impart.
            With that in mind, always, one night I noticed that my guy cat kept going to the glass door on the back porch and staring out into the darkness. Then he would come in to my desk where I was working and look into my eyes. Then he would go back out to the glass doors again. I finally got the message.
            I wasn’t hearing anything myself, but Mr. Cat sure did. He may as well have said, “hey, come and look out here!”
            So I got up and went out onto the back porch. I turned off the eternal beacon over the old piano, so I could see outside. Now, it so happens that I have several large pots in which some leafy vegetables are growing. They were finally getting to a useful size. I figured on cooking some of the bok choi the following day.
            There is one of those sodium lights in the alley close to the entrance to the street out there, so there is some light. I can usually see the steps down to the back yard and my pots on the deck of the porch.
            But this time I couldn’t see the steps. There was something in the way and it was very big! What the heck. I put my hands up around my face and on the glass, so I could see out better. Whatever was out there was moving! It had arms! And it was picking my bok choi and eating it raw out of hand, just like I do, in fact.
            So, some fat guy was sitting on my porch eating my greens with never a word of permission. “This will not stand!” I said to my cat who stood at my feet. The cat almost nodded at me in agreement. I unlocked the door and stepped out onto the porch.
            “Hey!” I said.
            Mmmh?’ said the fat guy. He kept chowing down on the greens and crunching away.
            Who wears a full body fur coat in the middle of the night while robbing their neighbor of her greens? I ask you!
            Not only was he a fat guy in a fur suit, he was a damn tall fat guy in a fur suit! His feet were on the bottom step of ten steps.
            “Are you going to turn around and talk to me, sir?” I demanded.
            “Mngrrr!” he said and kept eating. Now he was into the radishes, dirt and all. This guy was a total trip! I had my hand on my phone in my pocket, considering a quick call to 911, but I was more curious and pissed than scared of this big hairy dude! Just saying that in my head to myself tipped the dumper and I got the message!
            Big, Hairy, Dude!
            Yeah. You’re right. I was hosting a man of the forests and fields, a BF!, a Squatch, a giant, a wildman. I was still mad, but I had to recalibrate. How do I get this big lunk to shove off?
            I knew my cat was inside watching how I would deal with this situation, and I couldn’t let him down! He had done his part, now I must do mine.
            I got an idea.
            I sat down on the bench behind him and began to sing. The ditty I picked was “Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms.” It’s a real stunner if you do it just right. I did. I sang my heart out. I added accents. I hit horrible high notes. I kept it up for a good five minutes. I was getting kind of tired of it myself, when he turned in his seat and gave me a stunned look.
            The stunned look was spread across a big old flat face made of light gray skin with pouches and wrinkles. His nose was broad and huge, but humanly shaped. He had a big wide mouth, not a slit, but with lips which were curled at this point. He had dark eyes, but I could see street light reflected in the tears in his eyes. He had a beard under his chin and huge woolly sideburns. His hair was probably dark brown but looked black since it was night.
            He stood up on the bottom step, all eight feet and 500 give or take lbs of him. He put his hands over his ears, gave me one more look of disbelief and stalked out over the gravel and out to the pavement of the alley.
            As he drifted on to the north up the alley, I hollered, “I know lots and lots of songs. You come back here and raid my pots, and I’ll sing like a brontosaurus!”
            I was quite pleased with our interaction.
            I slipped inside to confer with my cat. I nodded at him, and he just about winked at me!
            Though, I must say, my garden pots are a little worse for the wear!

😸