Under The Ears: A Cryptid Report

 

 

Agents Suzy and Toots reporting:
 
            “Last night, Agent Suzy, I heard a distinct, but distant, “whoooop!”” said Agent Toots.
            “And where did it come from?” said Suzy.
            “Down by the river, almost for sure, it kind of echoed,” said Toots. “Like over the water.”
            “I’d say that must be a Class Ear experience, Toots. Don’t you agree?” said Suzy.
            “Yeah!” Nodding furiously and looking out of her window urgently.
            Lately there had been a lot of activity in both of their locations. They had worked up a classification system to keep track of these mysterious manifestations.
            A Class Ear was about mid-range in scariness. The whole deal was to gauge the scariness factor. After all, they are responsible for the safety of their people and other cats!
            “Now, Willie told me that last night he woke up hearing a very scary sound! It was like something really big rubbing the outside of the house!” said Suzy. “In a way that’s worse than a Distant Whooping! But still, it’s only hearsay. So how would you classify it, Agent Toots?” said Suzy.
            “If it was anybody but one of us I would call it a Class Nada, but since it’s from one of us, though it is just Willie, I would call it Class Not Good!” said Toots. “Hey, did he smell anything. That counts for a lot!”
            “Yeah! He did! He said it smelled like a rat had died in the garbage disposal about two weeks ago!” said Suzy.
            “Why does he even think stuff like that? Nobody has a rat in the garbage disposal!” said Toots.
            “But as a concept it works. He’s creative. I don’t know why he thinks this stuff, actually,” said Suzy. “How do we classify it?
            “Oh, it’s Class Not Good, for sure. Horrible! Were you asleep at the switch or something? It would be even worse if you had heard and smelled it too!” said Toots.
            “I don’t know how I missed something like that. It does detract from the authenticity a little,” said Suzy. “But Class Not Good, for sure, even if it was Willie reporting.
            “OK, Toots. Wait ‘til you hear what I saw!” said Suzy, with her eyes glowing green into the sliding glass door reflection.
            “Is it Horrible?” said Toots, considering an early escape.
            “Beyond Horrible,” said Suzy complacently. “Class Hide It’s Coming for sure!”
            Toots, shuddering, “tell me!”
            “It was white, or maybe it was black. It crawled like an upside down spider, but it was as big as a man, and it was icky skinny!” said Suzy. “Agent Toots, I was out of my skin I tell you!”
            “What did you do?” said Toots.
            “Willie said it had gotten into my mind somehow and to kick it out, so I did,” said Suzy. “He also said I should be sure and say my Purrs™ and be a good kitty to keep it away. So far, so good.”
            “Thank all that’s Holy for a smart brother, Suzy,” said Toots seriously. “But you know what the very worst classification is?”
            “I do!” said Suzy. “Class Whisker!”
            “I can hardly bear to think of it,” said Toots. “Imagine touching something Class Whisker that was Not Good! That’s two classifications in one! I would hide for a week!” swore Toots.
            “I would be under Blue Fuzzy whether she was there or not!” said Suzy.
            “But we must bear up and do our duty, Agent Suzy,” said Toots. “Where would they be without us to watch over them?”
            “I just don’t know, Agent Toots. I just don’t know….” said Suzy, shaking her head.
            “They would be left to their own pathetic human senses, that’s what,” said Toots.
            It was right about then when Suzy smelled a terrible smell,  and Toots heard a knock on her window right by her reflection!
            Who goes there? Who knows? Because both agents had broken the connection and gone undercover for the night!
            But as we know, undercover is still on the job! So be confident that your agents are on the job for all of you!
            You just have to be careful to pay attention to what they say!