Not a Fox, Not a Wolf

 

            “Not a fox.
            “Not a wolf,
            “Not a fox.
            “Not a wolf,” Jumpstart sang his song as he loped airily through the forest. He rarely touched the earth it seemed, so light was his step. “Not a fox!”
            The bowl of venison that the mother had given him sat exceedingly well. It was true.
            But then, something rustled underneath some dry leaves.
            “Come out, Little One! Not a wolf!” murmured Jumpstart.
            “Are you fox? I’ll not come out!” said the field mouse.
            “Not a fox!” said Jumpstart.
            A pair of bright black eyes peeped out. As quick as a breath it was over for the fat mouse!
            Coming up out of the forest, he rounded the large metal box. Then there was pavement, and a building. There was a truck and two cars. He saw no one, so Jumpstart went ahead.
            Sunlight warmed his yellowish fur. It felt good after the shade of the forest. A brief thrust of wind ruffled his fur. A flea took a bite. The asphalt was warm and almost smooth under his pads.

            “Not a wolf,” he sang, under his breath.
            Jumpstart trotted around the ranger station building, just checking it out. The asphalt was swept clean. There was nothing to interest him. He went on.
            The wind brought him news. He stopped and attended to it. There was the scent of wood rot, leaf mold, small hidden life. He smelled living blood, breath, and vegetal dung. But there was this too, cooking smells from further down toward the campground. Hot smells of meat and fat, with beer and sweet drinks. His nose drew him there. For the moment he ignored the sweeter, more redolent scent reaching him from way down the wind. But he didn’t forget it either.
            His tongue lolled while he calculated his chances. “Men are slow, but many are watchful,” he thought cannily to himself.
            Ralph's great black Raven flew low over Jumpstart. She circled twice, but said nothing. He watched her ascend to the treetops and vanish into the sky. “The king’s bird,” he thought, and went on.
            Jumpstart didn’t like fire. But he thought that since it was a small fire, he could work around it. It was a little fire in some metal thing, at the back end of a car. He had seen a lot of cars, that ran up and down the roads and then rested. This one was resting. There were two chairs behind it by the fire. One chair held a woman, who was doing something with the food on the fire.
            It smelled mostly raw. Beef. Bloody.
            “She is slow. Can’t catch Jumpstart!,” he mused. 

            “Not a fox!” he assured himself.
            She looked up from her fiddling and saw him, four or five parking spots away, watching her.
            “Bruce!” the woman called. “There’s some kind of dog thing out here staring at the tri tip!”
            A man came around to see what the woman was talking about.
            “What is that thing?” she said.
            “Not a fox, too big. Not a wolf, too small, Marv!” said Bruce. “I don’t know. Maybe some kind wild mutt mix. Maybe part German Shepherd!”
            “I don’t care what it is! You better do something, or go tell those rangers there’s some kind of wild thing hanging around,” said Marv, getting up. Maybe she wanted to hide in the car. Bruce turned his back for a moment, looking around for a rock to throw. But the asphalt was devoid of rocks, so he took off into the brush to search for a projectile.
            This was Jumpstart’s moment! Right in front of Marv, he nipped the tri tip off of the fire, even though it was hot on one side, and he split. It was like he had never been there. But he had, and the meat was gone.
            “Dammit, Bruce,” said Marv.
            Bruce turned around just in time to watch the creature run away with his dinner.
            Jumpstart ran and ran and ran, laughing as only Coyote can laugh, deep in his heart, for he had pulled off a caper. He had bested Man. It was sweet and he laughed all the way to Uncle Bob’s Stump House meadow.
            Seeing Uncle Bob deep in thought, and Aunt Suzie making something with strips of green bark, he stopped briefly. They were both too distracted to see a sly coyote slipping by their Stump House.
            He circled around behind them and loped deeper into the meadow. He lay the now cooled meat down on the grass in an open spot and looked all around himself, his ears alert, and his yellow eyes shining. A hundred scents came to him, and his clever nose read them all. There were covert scents from down in the earth, living things and roots, and decay. There were floral scents, and viny, or grassy scents. It was almost dizzying. He smelt rabbits and gophers too! And he hadn’t forgotten that other scent either, the one from long away, faint but demanding.
            He put his head down and began to eat the meat, glancing up once in a while to make sure that he was alone. No competitor for his catch appeared.
            “Not a fool!” he thought happily.
            When he had eaten it all he looked up again, and like a sudden mirage, that mighty Raven was standing nearby watching him.
            “I saw her, Jumpstart. Why are you wasting time stealing meat? I saw her up near town, that way,” said Maeve, and she pointed the way with her beak.
            “You have better business to attend to,” she said. “Time to grow up.”
            “I will find her!” yipped Jumpstart, running as fast as he could.
            “Go your way, Coyote. Find her, and be blessed,” said Maeve, softly, and with sympathy.
            She watched him disappear off to the north, then she flew home to give the news to those who waited there.

💛

Emergency Meeting: The Owl Situation!

 🦉

            “Thank you, everyone! I know this has been short notice, but something has come up suddenly. It places everything else on the back burner, whatever that means,” said Toots, on this particular Tootsday, an auspicious day no matter what the circumstances. 

            “I want to welcome and thank each of you. All of our regulars have picked up. I tried to reach three different outdoor Freecats™. Perhaps they will speak up?” said Toots. “As we know, outdoor freedom is a two edged spatula! If they are able, I, for one, would be fascinated to hear their observations.”

            “Yes, yes. I hope they’ll pipe up too,” said Willie. “But, what’s up? We’re all ears, Toots!”

            “Exactly, thank you, Willie! I’ll get to the point right now! But please bear with me! It’s almost too awful. (pause) Alright. To continue. It has come to my ears, by way of my gentleman, who has seen some desert video recently. The fact of the matter is that he saw owl’s nests up in the rocks. And in these nests were the bones and other memorabilia of these grotesque fowl’s victims. Among the battered artifacts were cat’s collars! It’s too much!” said Toots, emotionally.

            General hubbub ensues for a few moments.

            “Now, those of us who have been Freecats™ know about the usual perils. Mr. Baby Sir could speak on the subject, I am sure., as could several of us. The most infamous ones we have faced, tricked, outsmarted and evaded are the usual sneaks. Those would be coyotes, foxes, loose dogs, wandering dogmen, disgusting creatures, and the occasional raccoon. A criminal sort, to be sure!” said Toots.

            “I’ve met and bested them all,” said Mr. Baby Sir. “I spend quite a bit of time outside. So far all enemies have been of the grounded variety. You can see them coming on the level with yourself.”

            “Admirable, Mr. Baby Sir. We wish you continues success,” Toots added.

            “I got out once or twice,” said Suzy. “But nobody was out there to eat me. I saw birds. Big noisy black ones and little dumb brown ones. I don’t think we even have owls around here.”

            “We have fruit rats,” said Buddy. “The boss hates em! But that new cat who’s been hanging around outside scares em away. Never saw an owl. What does an owl look like anyway?”

            “Does anyone know? I sure know what they sound like. We have barrels of owls around here. Hoo-hoo-hoo, all night. That’s all they have to say!” said Toots, heatedly.

            Charley put a paw up. “I’ve seen pictures. On my lady’s computer. An owl is kind of blunt looking. Oval. Round at both ends. They come in several colors. Most are kind of speckled and gray. Some are white. They look bigger than they are under all those feathers. They have big spooky eyes, always staring to catch a cat, and a dreadful sharp hooked beak! Then there are the feet, made of hideous hooked claws. The things look like killers! But people think they are beyoootiful, so wild and cool!”

            “That’s all very easy for them! No owl is going to carry one of them away to its nasty gross nest,” said Toots. “They should think more about how these airborne monster feed themselves!”

            “Airborne! That’s the word isn’t it,” said Willie. “They come out of nowhere, because they are up in the air, and when they are hunting they make no sound. You won’t hear a Hoo out of them then, oh no! Silent and greedy!”

            “Owls  hunt at night, or in dim light. But we have to remember hawks and eagles are hunters too, and they hunt us in the light. The sky is dangerous, my friends,” said Toots.

            “Too true, Toots, dear,” said Suzy. “So, what’s the solution? I mean for those who go outside.”

            Mr. Baby Sir stood up to face the group of assembled cats. “I’ll tell you what the solution is. Stay in the house, or watch the sky! Always watch the sky, night or day! It’s what I do and I’m standing here before you today, alive!” Then he sat down again.

            There was general applause.

            While everyone was settling back down, a little voice no one had heard before spoke up. They couldn’t seem to see her either, but they could hear her.

            “Have you thought about all the cats who never wore a collar, dear friends? We are victims of the horrible owls too! I never had a collar, nor did I ever have a name..” she said, then fell silent.

            “Please stay,” cried Toots, but the voice was silent.

            A little shudder shook several of the ladies present.

            “Oh, I think it’s time to Purr™ together now. I think it’s time. Let’s put our hearts together for those who have fallen, but also for all cats everywhere. Let them look to the sky always! Except when in the house!” said Toots.

            So, that’s just what they did. Each in their own home, but together in spirit. It was a long Purr™ and heartfelt.

            Each drifted back to his or her own life, and their own thoughts.

            “Do you think it was a good meeting?” Toots asked Sammie, as they sat together after the emergency meeting.

            “I do,” said Sammie. “And I think everyone learned something!”

            “Except for that Mr. Baby Sir!” laughed Toots. “He’s got it figured out!”

            “He was right, though,” said Sammie.

            “Yes, he was, dear,” said Toots, but she was still grinning..

 

Mrrrrt!

🙀

Just Play Dumb, Whatever You Know!

 

            Ranger Rick, like the sterling fellow that he was, had indeed gone to Larsen’s Bakery in Milltown after his weekly bachelor’s shopping trip to Safeway. He had the Danish Butter Cake, the aforementioned Smørkage, nestled safely in the passenger’s seat of his official pickup. He kind of tucked it in with the seatbelt.
            Now, Rick never went wandering around Ralph’s domain looking for him. He had tried it a couple of times and ended up right back at the dumpster at the edge of his parking lot. So, because of a certain previous misunderstanding, he had developed a way to get Ralph’s attention. That was that he sat in his truck and beeped out some interesting paradiddles on the horn. After a few series, Ralph, or Maeve would appear.
            He had something on his mind. It was medium heavily on his mind. He needed to talk to Ralph about a matter, like today. The giving of the cake was a perfect opportunity.
            Rick drove his Forest Service vehicle up to the edge of the parking lot, rolled down the window, and started some honking. He turned off the engine and put the thing in park and went back to honking.

Different park, same sort of truck.

            Presently, as they say in old stories, Maeve appeared. She settled onto his hood and looked at him through the windshield. Rick stuck his head out of his window, so she could hear him, and said, “I need to talk to him. Will you tell him?”
            She bobbed her head a little, and took off into the forest. Silence settled all around. He didn’t need to honk anymore. He just sat there looking into the depths of the forest, waiting.
            No matter how many times Rick saw Ralph, he never got over a bit of a shock about how fantastically large Ralph was. It was the same this time. Ralph sort of shimmered out of the darkness under the trees, and there he was, looking amiably at Rick.
            Rick stepped out of the cab to talk. “Hey, I’ve got your cake! And I need to talk to you.”
            “Thanks, Rick! You didn’t have to, but yummy! What’s up?” said Ralph.
            “No biggie, Ralph. I mean about the cake. But, I do have a favor to ask,” said Rick.
            “I can’t imagine saying no,” said Ralph, looking over into the pickup’s cab.
            “I have a trainee coming tomorrow. I haven’t seen him, but his name is Dexter. This doesn’t necessarily bode well. He may be fine; he may be a complete goombah. But what I wanted to tell you is that this newbie will be wandering around. Please don’t let him see you. You’re not supposed to exist, remember?
            “I want to see what he’s made of before reality sets in! You know? My position is that you don’t exist. Then you don’t get officially investigated, and I don’t get a lot of extra hassle. Does that work for you?” asked Rick.
            “Thanks for the warning. I’ll be on the lookout for random ranger movements. Dexter, huh? Must be the right man for the job!” giggled Ralph. “I’ll tell everybody to stay out of his way until you figure him out. No problem.”
            Rick shook his head and smiled down at the asphalt. He fetched the cake out and handed it over.
            “It’s not very big, but there should be a taste for everybody,” said Rick.
            Ralph winked and sort of vanished back down the trail.
            Rick’s mind was about 80% eased. He carried his shopping in and went about his day.
            Dexter Morton, the entry level Forest Service trainee appeared right on time the next morning. It was Tuesday in the Great Forest, and it was 8AM. The weather was light and breezy.
            He was slight. Six feet tall and maybe 150lbs. Red headed. Looked earnest. Bright blue eyes.
            Dexter had been born curious, and he still was curious. He was 22 years old.
            His hat sat on his head like a promise of better things to come, like when he grew up.
            Rick did his best with him. He lectured him about his future responsibilities to the visitors to the park. He gave him walking and driving tours of the park. He discussed keeping the grounds tidy, and an eye on the camping area. He discussed the typical troubles campers got into and what his, Dexter’s, responsibilities would be in various situations.
            This went on until Friday of the week.
            Friday morning, Rick was busy at his laptop. It occurred to him that he could send Dexter around to do what he would normally have done himself. He smiled briefly. Dexter happened to be in the kitchen nook making coffee.
            “So, Ranger Morton, how would you like to go up to the campground and just say hi to all the park visitors?” said Rick.
            Naturally, Dexter sprang as the chance. He trotted right around to the regular campground and greeted each party, be it camper or carful. He enjoyed chatting and the people seemed to like him. He was feeling pretty good. But he was also feeling pretty curious, and Rick wasn’t with him.
            He decided to just quickly take an unaccompanied loop through the forest; places Rick hadn’t taken him. He was a very inquisitive young fellow. It was his defining feature, for good or ill.
            He had a great time. He wandered here and there, and at last found himself at a great huge fallen cedar log. He stood there marveling at the size of it. He should have been marveling at how he had found it.
            Right about then all nine brown and hairy feet of Ralph strolled up. “Hi, there!,” said Ralph, and Dexter fainted flat out on the forest floor.
            When he came to ten minutes later he was seated in the passenger side seat of Rick’s vehicle. He sat there, all fuzzy minded, trying to figure out why he was in Rick’s vehicle. He couldn’t imagine how he had gotten there. Then he remembered what he had seen and got all woozy again for a few minutes. He decided he should go into the office and talk to Rick. There didn’t seem to be anything else to do.
            Dexter was sure that Rick would never believe him. But he had to try.
            But Rick did believe him, and they had a long talk.
            “Dexter, the big guy you saw is Ralph. He must have carried you to my truck and put you in there to wake up. He is real. Not a myth or a delusion. He is flesh and blood, and he has a family in there too.
            “I’m surprised that you managed to get that close to him. Most people have to be led in by one of them, or they just get lost and end up back out here. I don't understand how you did it.
            “It’s like this. Ralph and I have kind of a deal between us. I tell anybody who asks, especially anyone official that there are no Squatches in the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest.
            “I like Ralph. We’re friends. Telling them that keeps people from trying to find him and his family and his animal friends. And it keeps officials, and investigators, and myriad looky-loos off of my back. We just don’t admit a thing. By the way, none of them in there will hurt you. In fact, you’re safer with Ralph out there. He seems to have a calming effect on reality, if you can dig that.
            “I just don’t admit a damn thing and act like the idea of Bigfoot is the damn-fool silliest thing I have ever heard about. Dexter, I have to know. Can I count on you to just play dumb? Just don’t know anything?” said Rick.
            “Rick, I’m not likely to go around telling anybody that a big old Sasquatch found me in his forest and I fainted like a girl and then he carried me out of the woods and put me in a truck!” said Dexter. "I didn't even believe in those things! Now, what?"
            “Nope, you’re not likely to go around telling anybody that one,” said Rick. “But can you just be real dumb about it, no matter who asks if we have any Bigfoots in here? I mean, if you can’t keep the bargain, I suppose you could transfer out to some other park.”
            “No. I can do it. It feels natural anyhow,” said Dexter.
            “Good. By the way, I’d leave them alone out there, right?” said Rick. “Ralph shows up here once in a while. You’ll get used to him, eventually.”
            Dexter rolled his eyes and Rick laughed.
            “Sure. Absolutely,” said Dexter.
            “Now, I thought you were making coffee out there..” said Rick.
            When Dexter stood up to go fetch a couple of cups of coffee, he happened to look out of the station window. He thought he saw a coyote trot through the parking lot.
            He did, but decided to just go get the coffee, because the woods are full of many exotic creatures. No surprise there.

🍀

Maeve and the Wild Thing

 

            There had been a pogrom in the eastern lands. His people were decimated. Truly, they were much more than decimated. His people had suffered such catastrophic loss that the survivors had scattered, some to the south. A few went to the north. He alone traveled westward.
            There were trials and hungry days. A mountain pass late in the year doesn’t offer much to the lone footsore traveler.
            He’d never been alone before. But now he was alone. He had only his own nose to guide him. He fed upon roadside scraps, dead things, some unlucky field mice, even forest mushrooms. He became rather gaunt. 

    His name was Jumpstart. In his own language it sounded better than that.
            There was no shortage of water, he followed rivers rather than highways.
            He just kept going along until he got to where he was going.
            When he got there he sat down. He smiled and looked around the place. It was very pleasing to behold. Jumpstart’s eyes twinkled with pleasure. He saw much scope for advancement here.
            Such trees he had never seen in the east, that land of rolling wheat where his people had lived a subtle existence. He almost felt magic in the air here. There was something mysterious here. There was more than met the eye, though what met the eye was very handsome.
            An inquisitive burst of wind ruffled his yellow fur. He curled around his own tail, for warmth and slept in a hollow near a great huge fallen log.
            When light came again, he opened his eyes. There was a black bird looking back at him, a very large black bird. Her black eyes gave nothing away.
            “Who are you?” said the bird.
            “First, you tell me who you are, and why I should answer you,” said Jumpstart.
            “Because I pity your youth and hunger, I will tell you. I am Maeve, messenger and adviser to the king of this land,” said Maeve.
            “I have no king,” said Jumpstart. He sat up and smiled at her. “Why should I care who you advise or serve?”
            “Because of where you find yourself, saucepot!” said Maeve. “I have the power to admit you or to expel you. Who are you?”
            “Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no lies!” said Jumpstart.
            “I see that you are a fool, youngling,” said Maeve, in a disappointed sort of voice.
            “I’m no fool, you great fat bird! I’ll soon be king here! You watch!” chortled Jumpstart.
            “Evermore! We shall see about that,” said Maeve as she lifted off. “Follow me, if you dare!”
            And since he was young, and full of bravado, follow her he did as she flew low and slow over a forest path heading downhill a bit.
            She led him into a clearing among the trees. His ears began to ring when he looked about himself. There were creatures here, creatures such as he had never seen. They were mannish, but not mankind. He skidded to a stop in dismay.
            The great bird flew to the largest creature and settled onto his shoulder, and spoke.
            “This poor young thing you see before you would not give me his name. He avers that he will soon be king here and that I should watch and see!” said Maeve to the one whose shoulder she sat upon.
            The massive creature turned an amused face to Jumpstart, who cowered now in the Home Clearing. His brown eyes twinkled with amusement and something a little wistful too. There was sympathy in his look.
            “I am Ralph. Most creatures here look to me. Now, tell me, who are you?” said he.
            “Sir, my mother named me Jumpstart, for I always ran out first,” admitted Jumpstart.
            “A worthy name,” said Ralph. His laugh rumbled through the clearing.
            A young wolf and two tawny cats watched. There was a mother there and a son and a small girl too. All eyes were upon Jumpstart. They waited.
            “My thanks,” said the poor young thing, humbly. “How may I serve you, Sir?” he said.
            “Jumpstart, you may not serve me, for your people love freedom more than life. You will not be king here, but go in peace,” said Ralph.
            “You speak truly, Sir. And I see that I will not be king here. Forgive me, Sir, for speaking like a fool to your wonderous black bird.”
            “Indeed, I do forgive you. Be of good courage,” said Ralph.
            While they had been speaking, the mother, seeing that his sides were so sunk in, brought him a generous bowl of the same venison that the family had eaten the night before. He accepted it and ate with relief.
            “Stay by our fire tonight, Jumpstart. Then go on your way as you wish, but come back and be with us when you wish. You are welcome here,” said Ralph.
            “I will!” said Jumpstart happily.
            And all was well in the Home Clearing, as usual!

🐺

Image: Christopher Martin Photography.

Some Other October 4. 2017. Nevada

 Here's to traveling!

Specifically,

the great American road trip!

We hope Neithan is having a great time.

Some of us wouldn't mind going camping too.

Adventure stories are always welcome.

So, please, dish!

🤍

A Pretty Darn Good Neighbor

         

    

            The next morning, once it was time for Rick to be in his office, Ralph decided to drop in on him again, just to kind of reassure Rick and be friendly.
            It was a quiet day in the forest. Maeve hadn’t even showed up yet to supervise one and all. Ralph usually woke when the sun came up, so there was daylight. It was early fall, so it was cool in the morning. All the flowering plants had done their best for the year and were getting ready to sleep.
            Some camper, probably in the official camping area, had a fire, so smoke drifted through the trees. People do make fires in the spring and summer, but it always seemed to Ralph like a sign of fall, that drifting resinous smoke. Goodness knows there was some smoke in the Home Clearing, but Ramona kept a neat hot fire which didn’t make a lot of smoke.
            Some rabbits caught sight of him walking and froze, but he just waved a hand, so they were free to scamper off. A robin sounded off briefly.
            Yes, it was a nice morning.
            When Ralph’s steps brought him out of the forest and to the dumpster, he peeked inside. There were Rick’s old clothes and sneakers. He shook his head and smiled. Nobody was parked in the parking lot yet. He was glad of that.
            When he got to the office door, he opened it slowly and poked just his head into the office. He didn’t see Rick. Maybe he was in the backroom, or making coffee in the little kitchen area.
            “Rick?” said Ralph. He heard steps coming from the kitchen nook.
            Rick appeared with coffee and some kind of baked goods, looking very surprised when he saw Ralph. He stopped in his tracks, then went to his desk and sat down.
            “You’re still here,” remarked Rick. “What happened?”
            “That’s why I’m here,” said Ralph. “I figured I should say something.”
            “There’s more coffee out there, and some more of this sugar soaked stuff, if you want some,” said Rick.
            “You know me. Sure, I’d like some coffee and some of whatever that is,” said a happy looking Ralph.
            Rick went back around the corner and came back out with another mug of coffee and a plate with two or three servings of Smørkage on it.
            “It’s Danish. Butter cake,” said Rick. “Now. Last I saw you, you scared the heck out of me, Ralph. I still don’t have a place in my head for what I saw.”
            “You must admit it was a pretty good trick. Ramona said that if I was going to shift to a human, just in appearance of course, that I needed a model that I knew well. Well, it was you because I know what you look like!” Ralph said. The first serving of Butter Cake was already gone.
            “What really scared me is the idea that you might run into Sheila,” said Rick.
            “Who’s Sheila?” said Ralph.
            “Oh, just the girl I’m supposed to marry next week. That’s all. You could have really messed up my life, Ralph,” said Rick.
            “Ew, I see what you mean. I would look like you but be acting like I had no idea who she was!” said Ralph. “Ouch! I’m darn glad that didn’t happen.”
            “So, you didn’t pose as me and go exploring even for just last night?” said Rick, brightening up.
            “Didn’t go,” said Ralph. “In fact, if you want those old clothes, they are in the dumpster out there. Nothing is on top of them. Good as new. Or old! You could run them through the wash and forget this whole thing!”
            “Sometimes I love you, Ralph. Most of the time I don’t know what you’re up to,” said Rick.
            “I’m not usually up to anything complicated, Rick. Just living. And it’s quite a trip!” grinned Ralph.
            “Darn it, Ralph! Why didn’t you go walkabout?” Rick demanded.
            “I guess because I scared Ramona too, when you boil it down. I made her cry. Rick, I don’t ever want to make Ramona cry,” said Ralph rather soberly. He shifted his weight in the big oaken chair and reached for another piece of cake. The chair creaked and was silent. Rick waited.
            “She said I sounded ‘funny’ and called my name as if she wasn’t sure it was me and I wasn’t shifted. Or I don’t think I was.
            “A little rainstorm came through, and she cried,” said Ralph. “Even Maeve was lecturing me! She didn’t think I had thought it through. Yeah. I didn’t go, even for last night.”
            “There’s a bunch of stuff you have to do out here to eat and have a place to sleep,” said Rick. “Even looking human wouldn’t save you from that. And then you might have run into Sheila. I hate to think what could have happened then. No Hallmark movie there, dude.”
            “I sure don’t want to mess up your life, Rick,” said Ralph.
            “Thanks,” said Rick. Then he smiled for the first time since Ralph had gotten there.
            “You know that Butter Cake stuff is alright! I wonder if Thaga could fake that in her kitchen? That was almond paste in there wasn’t it?” said Ralph, drinking the last of his coffee.
            “Oh, almost nobody makes Danish cakes at home. That’s bakery stuff. I’ll try to remember to buy you one when I’m down in town,” said Rick. “Larsen’s makes them.”
            “And I’ll get my old stuff out of the dumpster and wash it up. Sometimes I need some old clothes to get filthy in,” said Rick.
            “Yeah. Makes sense. I’ll wander on down to the Clearing now, Rick. I just thought I should talk to you for a minute. I mean since I borrowed your bod for a little while!” said Ralph.
            “Yeah, OK. See you later. I’ll honk when I get the cake for you,” said Rick.
            Then, full of cake and coffee, Ralph set off for home to see what Ramona was making for breakfast.

☕

An Important Announcement!

       

   

             Hello! This is Suzy Q. Toots and Sammie, and I have an announcement to make! (general applause!)

            It has come to our attention that some improvements have been made to some of the names of the days of the week, denoting their primary importance, which is their reflection of “Catness.”

            Mrrrt!, and Beroww!, by the way! Nice to see you all here! Does everyone have a saucer of cream? If not, call the management!

            Now then.

            To get down to business. Would Willie please sit quietly and stop annoying Sammie? Thank you. Mr. Baby Sir, I’m keeping an eye on you too!

            To wit: Sunday has become Suzday. Thank you! Monday has been improved to Mew-on-day! Delightful, Sir! You know who you are! Tootsday was obvious. We honor our sagacious Toots thereby. So much better than plain old Tuesday! Wednesday, while still going by its old name has gone on record as Butter Your Cat Day. It only makes sense! Thank you! Thank you! (general applause!)

            We are happy to announce a new day name improvement! I know you’re as excited as I am! It is in place of boring old Thursday, who cares about Thor anyhow I say! From now on the fifth day of the week shall be called Purrsday, in honor of all cats everywhere. What could be better? What could be more appropriate? For to purr is sublime. To purr is to enter the realms of grace! Even the humans who serve us can approximate purring if they settle down and try it.

            All the others voted for this, even the guys. Buddy thought it was a great idea. Mr. Baby Sir made up jokes, but voted correctly in the end. Charley said it was about time!

            Serena hasn’t gotten back to us yet, but I bet she will!

            Now, we have an open question. I leave it to all you fertile minded, imaginative cats and humans. What shall we do about Friday and Saturday to give them a better shine and deeper meaning? I think we can leave "Caturday" out of this. Surely something better will come along.

            Please give it some serious thought and see what you can come up with!

           That’s it, ladies and gents! I give you Purrsday!

           Thank you! (general applause!) Thank you!

            Goodnight everyone!

            Meow! Mrrrrt! Brrrt! 

😸

Ralph vs The Open Road, Part 2

       

    

            “Boss,” said Maeve. “You know you can depend on me, right?”
            “I know, Birdy. I count on you,” said Ralph. “You always tell me the truth.”
            “Can we talk at your log? I need to have your ear for a minute,” said Maeve.
            “Yup. Let’s go!”
            So, instead of going down toward the Home Clearing, they veered off to Ralph’s special retreat where he did his heavy thinking, and napping, during the daytime hours.
            “Ralph, what’s this about anyhow?” was Maeve’s opening line.
            “I want to go outside for a little while. Just to take a look around. I don’t want to have anyone notice me, you know? I want to look like one of them, so they won’t pay any attention to me,” said Ralph.
            “Have you thought this through?” Maeve asked.
            “What is there to think about?” said he.
            “Oh, just about everything,” said she. “Starting with that outfit you borrowed from Rick. Didn’t you think about humans wearing clothing? They always do in public for sure,” said Maeve.
            “Well, I knew they did, of course, Birdy,” admitted Ralph.
            “What happens when you get hungry? Forest Keepers don’t have money,” said Maeve. “People buy food, unless they are farmers or something, or fishermen, or hunters with guns. Most of them work hard for that money.”
            “I thought I would just catch something,” said Ralph.
            “Hm,” said Maeve. “Maybe we should go talk to Ramona?”
            “Ramona always has good ideas. Sure. Let’s see what she thinks when she sees I borrowed some clothes from Rick. He’s back there scratching his chin right now, Birdy,” he said, giggling.
            Maeve took the short flight up to his shoulder and he tucked the borrowed outfit under his left arm, and they left for the Home Clearing and everyone waiting there. It looked like a normal everyday scene as they walked down the path.
            Bob and Berry were the first to see them arrive.
            “Something smells bad,” said Berry. “I smell man and soap and sweat.”
            “And something else,” said Bob.
            Next was Blue, the white wolf pup. She ran to Ralph and then circled around him and sat behind him looking confused.
            Ramona and Cherry were practicing old time Firekeeper songs. Ramona was making sure that Cherry never forgot them, by singing with her every day. They were seated by the fire, naturally.
            “Hey, Mona,” said Ralph, “Look! I borrowed some of Rick’s clothes for my walk outside!”
            Ramona looked up. A strange expression passed over her face. She almost seemed puzzled.
            “Ralph?” she said.
            “I’m just about ready to go outside looking like a human man!” he said.
            “I’m worried, Ramona,” said Maeve, as she settled herself down by Ramona’s side.
            Ramona looked at Ralph for a long few moments.
            “I know it’s you, but you’re not the same,” she said slowly.
            He stopped and looked at her seriously. “How am I not the same, Mona?”
            She cocked her head to the side and looked at him seriously. “You sound funny.”
            The wind blew through the conversation; the sky darkened a little as a little spit of a rainstorm flew by. Maeve looked all around nervously. She grumbled deep in her throat.
            Thunder pealed in the distance. Twice and then three times.
            “What’s going on here, Mona? Don’t you want me to go?” said Ralph. As he spoke a light rain sprinkled his face.
            “I don’t want you to change,” she said.
            “I don’t want to change either,” said Ralph.
            “Baby, human people have suffered and worked and died to try to get what you have here. Don’t even play that game for a moment. Why leave all the joy of your life to enter the kingdom of the strivers, even just for a little while?
           “Please. It might change you forever,” she said, and the drops on her face weren’t rain.
            “Evermore. Evermore. Evermore,” whispered Maeve. Her eyes were tightly closed and her head was ducked, as she whispered.
            He sat then, beside Ramona, and Cherry came to him, and he held her. She buried her face in his chest, but didn't speak.
            “I won’t go, Mona. I’ll stay here in the Great Forest,” Ralph said. Then he smiled as he always had.
            “Rick said he didn’t care what I did with his old clothes. He doesn’t want them back. I guess I’ll go put them in the dumpster by the Ranger Station,” said Ralph. “I don’t want them either.”
            Twigg had come home, and was confused about what was happening in his family, but he got it pretty quickly. Some of the B’s had come with him. They just liked to be with him. So as the clouds drifted off to the west and the sun came back out, there were shining, buzzing B’s flying around almost as if in celebration.
            “Sit tight, Dad,” said Twigg. “I’ll take them to the dumpster. Stay with Mom.”
            “Thanks, Twigg,” said Ralph, as he handed over the bundle.
            So, Twigg and the B’s took Rick’s old clothes to the dumpster in the Ranger Station parking lot.
            “You sound better already,” said Ramona.
            “I’ll probably go for a ride with Milly once in while, but as myself,” said Ralph.
            “As yourself!” said Ramona, firmly.
            Even Maeve looked happy again. 

🍁

Ralph vs The Open Road, Part 1

 

        One day that fall, Ralph got to thinking about all the roads that he and Millicent Price had traveled during all of their moving interviews. It wasn’t that he was discontented at home in the Great Forest among his loved ones. He was just very curious about everything out there.
            He was sitting with Ramoma the next morning as the sun came up by the fire circle. Such a beautiful morning that it made the heart ache for the sheer misty loveliness of it. Mist was drifting through the Home Clearing, and a diffident breeze was speaking to him.
            “The wind goes wherever it likes, and no one knows where that is,” he thought to himself.
            Then, “Mona, I’ve lived here in the Great Forest all of my life. It’s been perfect, and I know that. But the world is so big, and I have seen so little of it. I want to see more,” he said.
            “Well, I’m the same. I’ve never gone outside. I don’t really want to,” she said, taking a seat beside him where she could feel his solid warm substance. “Is there a way you could do that?”
            “I think there is. I’ve never done this before, because I had no need to,” said Ralph.
            “You would do that?” wondered Ramona.
“If I’m to go outside for a look around on street level without Milly, I will have to shift,” said Ralph.
            “Why don’t you try it now, when no one can see,” suggested Ramona. “I don’t think you can appear as a random Hairless person, you need a model. Who would be a good model?”
            “How about Ranger Rick, my most human friend?” mused Ralph.
            “Yes. That sounds good because you know him well,” said Ramona. “He’d be a good model for you.”
            So, Ralph smiled at Ramona and as he did, he took on the appearance of his friend Rick, whom he knew well.
            Ramona couldn’t help laughing, though it was a little scary to see Ralph looking like Rick.
            “You’re going to need to borrow some clothing from Rick, or Thaga or somebody, Ralph!” she giggled. “You can’t go exploring the world outside in your pink hairless skin like that!”
            “Oh! That’s right,” he said, shifting back to his native form. “Being Hairless must be a lot of fuss and bother! Imagine having to get dressed and put on shoes every morning. You’d be tired before you did anything else!”
            “I think they’re used to it pretty much. Ooog and Thaga and even Rick seem to get plenty done even with all that getting ready,” said Ramona.
            “It’s funny that the biggest problem I have going outside turns out to be clothing. I’m not sure how to get any. I might have to just show Rick and then borrow an outfit. I think he could handle it. Maybe. I hope so.”
            That decided, after breakfast, and playing with Cherry and Blue for a little bit, Ralph strolled on over to the Ranger Station. He found Rick indoors, fiddling around writing a report or something on his Lenovo.
            Ralph let himself in and took a seat facing Rick. Rick kept an oversized oak fat boy chair in front of his desk for Ralph or anyone else who appeared before him.
            “What’cha got, Ralph?” said Rick, still tapping away.
            “I got a wild and crazy idea, Rick. I’m not sure you can handle it, but you’re a pretty centered guy, so maybe?” said Ralph.
            Rick stopped typing and just looked at Ralph, waiting.
            “OK. It’s like this. I want to go take a look outside my domain here. Right? But I can’t do it looking normal. I have to look like one of you guys. I tried it with Mona this morning and it worked, but as I found out, I can’t just look like one of you guys with no clothes and go out to look around like that. So, I was wondering if I could borrow an outfit to wear, Rick,” said Ralph.
            “Ralph, old buddy, that’s the weirdest thing you ever said to me,” said Rick, with a wry nod.
            So, Ralph just smiled real big and did his thing. In a few seconds it was like Rick was looking at his identical twin, but a naked twin. His mouth dropped open, and he was rendered speechless.
            “See how it is, Rick?” said Ralph.
            “I guess I don’t need to really believe this, just kind of go with it, huh,” muttered Rick. “Yeah, sure, I have some stuff in the back. Come on, uh, Ralph,” he said.
            In Rick’s back room, hanging on some hooks were a pair of Levis, a  red and black checked flannel shirt and a worn denim jacket. Rick instructed Ralph about how to put this stuff on. He also had a pretty shot pair of high top Converse sneakers. Rick had to explain about those too. He didn’t have any spare socks handy, so Ralph had to go without those or underwear.
            “I dunno, Ralph. I just hope this doesn’t backfire somehow,” said Rick.
            “Thanks, Rick. I’ll bring them back when I’m done with them,” Ralph assured Rick.
            “Nah. Never mind. Keep them, burn them, put them on a bear, I don’t care. Just don’t get into trouble out there. I hope you don’t run into Sheila!” said Rick. That last idea kind of struck him as Ralph was going out of the office door and heading for the Home Clearing.
            What Ralph actually did was to vanish in amongst the trees and take off the borrowed outfit, resume his normal shape, bundle it all up and then stroll back home with the bundle under his arm. As he strolled along, Maeve caught up with him.
            “Boss, that was freaky. I don’t know what to say,” she said, talking anyhow.
            “Pretty neat trick, huh? I bet you thought I was Rick!” chortled Ralph.
            “Does Ramona know about this,” said Maeve, like the old bossy tail she was.
            “Yup, Birdy! Mona knows all!” said Ralph.
            “Evermore,” Maeve muttered underneath her breath.

🍀

How Does That Work, Anyhow, Ralph?

 

A view of the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest, from the top.

 

            The question Milly was working on was for herself mostly. No reader had asked her this one. It seemed like an extremely pertinent matter to her.
            So, she made the usual arrangements with Maeve and found herself driving out the old familiar highway 20 route heading for Ralph’s domain. It was an early Saturday morning. Milly relished these drives out into the forest lands. It was a whole different scene from life in and around Milltown. Quiet. It seemed so quiet, even from the inside of the big green Escalade. There was just the strip of pavement, in two lanes, and the endless evergreen trees. Overhead was a misty blue strip of morning sky. Once in a while a crow would watch her from the verge. They reminded her of Maeve, of course.
            Colin was still drinking coffee at home in his jammies, enjoying the Saturday. He liked to veg. a day once in a while.
            Milly pulled up to the usual wide spot on the verge of the highway and gave a small polite honk. Maeve appeared, flying low and banked right by Milly’s side window. She said something, and took off into the forest.
            Maybe five minutes later, Ralph appeared. They often did these interviews in the Escalade because Ralph really like to go for a ride.
            “Hey, Ralph. Where would you like to go today? Any ideas?” said Milly.
                “Just drive, Milly. It’s all good to me,” he said agreeably, settling into the passenger seat, doing that squinching in thing he does.
            “Let’s just follow 20 out to Anacortes. It’s an interesting drive and doesn’t take all day,” said Milly.
            “Sure. I’ve never been there. What’s the scene?” he asked.
            “Oh, it’s kind of Indian country, rural, surrounded by salt water,” said Milly. “There’s a little place outside of town that sells smoked fish out of a little concrete block building. Might make a nice lunch.”
            Ralph kind of made himself a little hard to see clearly, for Milly’s sake. He didn’t want to cause any kind of notice or excitement. They drove on in cheerful silence for a while just watching the world go by outside of the windows.
            Finally, Ralph said, “What’s on your mind, Milly?”
“I thought you might be able to help me with something that bothers me. It seems strange. I can’t make sense of it. It’s just me, nobody has written asking me about this.”
            “OK. I’ll do what I can,” said Ralph.
            “I’m confused, Ralph. Every person who meets one of you people in the woods, or wherever, tells a different story. Sometimes the Hairy Man is terrifying, even if he doesn’t do anything hostile. Sometimes he just acts curious. Then there is the matter of appearance. That’s part of it. Some people report something ugly, or scary looking. There are different eye colors. Head shapes. Some people see an animal. Some see a man, or woman, or child.
            “Are the differences actual physical differences, or are they inherent, something in the observer’s makeup that causes them to see what they do? The differences don’t seem reasonable,” she said.
            “Oh. Hm. Well, some of that must be just natural variation. Human people are that way too,” said Ralph.
            “Right,” said Millie.
            “But, like, using myself as an example. You see me as you see me because of who you are. You are open, and wise and kind. Your first impulse so long ago on Camano Island was not fear, but curiosity.
            “But, usually when I meet people snooping in the woods, researchers, their preconceived judgment causes them to see a fearful creature capable of tearing them apart. Now, of course, I could, but you and I know that I wouldn’t!” said Ralph. “Their trouble, which they wear like a coat, is that they “know” that they are in danger if they meet me.
            “My question is, why do they do it then? Why come searching for what you fear from the bottom of your soul. I don’t get that. Wouldn’t it be better if they stayed home, and maybe watched videos?” he laughed.
            “Ah, Ralph. Human beings are conflicted creatures. They truly do not know their own minds, at least most of them don’t.
            “I also think there is an element of bravado. But, from the beginning, the best monster to beat is an imaginary monster. It’s safer but still exciting. It blows their cool when they see you!” Then Milly laughed.
            “I wonder if it goes the other way too, Ralph! Do you people have conflicting expectations when suddenly meeting a human person?” said Millie, suddenly, as if it was a new thought just then.
            “It might depend on who told who what, and who had what experience with a human person, you know? It’s all so subjective! How do you like that? I learned what that meant from Thaga. It’s a good one.
            “But we do have a slight advantage. We can tell when you first decide to come out into the forest seeking a meeting, what your unconscious true motives are. It helps us stay out of the way, if we need to,” said Ralph
            “Oh, maybe we’ll never figure it out,” said Milly, “and maybe it doesn’t matter that much.”
            “Someday, Milly, all questions will be answered. Just not today,” agreed Ralph.
            By the time they got to the outskirts of Anacortes it was definitely lunch time. So Ralph waited in the car while Milly went into the smoked fish shop and got a few pounds of the sweet kind of smoked salmon.
            She drove on into town, giving Ralph the tour of the waterfront, and the long main street. She showed him the old parts of town, leftover from earlier days.
            She bought some bottled teas at the AMPM place.
            Milly wanted to get home before late, so they turned around and retraced their miles going east on 20 until they reached the parking spot where she always picked him up and let him off.
            “Ralph, give my love to Ramona and thank her for me, will you? Oh, yes, nearly forgot. Chocolate for the ones who stayed home!” said Milly. She was happy that she had remembered the treat for Twigg and Cherry, and Ramona.
            “I’ll do that, Milly. Say hi to Colin. Tell him I wouldn’t mind seeing him one of these days,” said Ralph.
            Milly winked and took off as Ralph faded into the forest, as he always did.

🍁

A Bit Of The Rest Of The Story

 

Ground Zero

            Apparently Robert, the blond kid who took off up the river when he beheld Ralph eventually ran out of steam. At some point he was more tired than terrified. And since, the car he and Matt had parked by the Ranger Station was back the way he had fled from, he stopped, rested for five minutes, and decided that he better go on back.
            Robert and Matt encountered each other about a mile from the scene of the recent action. Neither one of them had anything to say. They just kept trudging down the riverbank, arriving at last to their camp area as was. It was a dismal sight. 6 Heineken cans lying around randomly, the butt of one expensive cigar lying where Matt had been sitting, the sodden coals of their camp fire, and their dampened packs and lightweight tents.
            Matt stuck the beer cans and the cigar butt in his pack. They took down the tents and walked as directly as possible to the old Civic parked outside Rick’s office door. They stuffed their stuff in the back of the car and Matt drove back out to the highway.
            “Matt?” said Robert from the passenger seat. He was kind of hunched over in the seat.
            “Yeah, what?” said Matt.
            “I don’t feel like that was real. You know? What really happened out there?” said Robert, hopefully.
            “Oh, well! Yes. That was real. You don’t get to decide if you like or don’t like real. Real just is. You met a mythic guy, who turned out to be a real guy, and we stole his stuff, etc.,” said Matt.
            That was the extent of the discussion. It didn’t take long to get back to town.

24 hours later….

 
            During the night, there had been a vigorous rainstorm. In the morning sunshine, everything was bright and fresh and still dripping rainwater off of every branch and twig and leaf. Birds were doing that thing like in the old Disney movies. These days, birds only behave like that in Ralph’s Great Forest.
            Ralph cracked his knuckles with delight. All the clouds from the previous day's events had left his mind. This drippy sunshiny day looked OK to him.
            It was time to gather firewood, so he and Twigg went off to gather deadfall. This gathering going on all of the time is part of the reason the Great Forest is so tidy and pleasant.
            Ramona made fish soup for the morning meal. Easy and quick. Ralph had gone out at first light and sweet talked a few of those gullible trout.
            Midday, there wasn’t much on the agenda, so he decided to go contemplate things for a while on the big cedar log. The thought of his purloined beer and cigars made him a little blue for a moment. But he trudge on up the path anyhow.
            Maeve was waiting for him there.
            “Somebody has been here during the night, Boss,” she remarked.
            “How do you know?” said he, looking all around.
            Of course, during the dark hours, Matt and Robert had sneaked back into the Great Forest and left two new six packs of Heineken and a box of much cheaper cigars tucked down into the hidey hole under the big log.
            There is a bit of a mystery here. Perhaps they blundered upon the log the first time. Was it allowed somehow? But, a person could say that it was just a random accident.
            But then to find the spot again? Maybe making restitution gave them a sort of pass. However, I'll bet they couldn’t find it again, just for no reason. In fact, they would probably find themselves all turned around and back at the parking lot. It  has happened before to other adventurers.
            “Well, Birdy,” said Ralph, “Not bad. Not bad at all!”

💚