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His friends and he
had separated and spread out. It was normal practice among these
hunters.
It was late
afternoon and he had been walking uphill for a long time, it seemed
like all day in fact. Though it was late in the year, October, it was
warm and sunny and very dry in the hills.
It was beginning to
seem like an extended camping trip. One guy had succeeded in shooting
a big one. Not the hunter, or his other two friends. He was sleepy
too. It was hypnotically sleepy-making walking through that sunny
quiet landscape. He was a middle-aged fellow in good physical
condition, but even they do get weary from time to time.
The wind blew
through the rolling hills, bringing little bursts of freshness. It
didn’t last long.
He glanced about,
seeking some shade because he had begun to think about just sitting
on his back end for a while and eating something. The area was short
on shade trees. There were scrubby bushes in abundance, too small for
shade.
He noticed some
rocky outcropping not too far away so he headed that direction with
quickened steps. One, a good twenty feet tall emerged out of the dry
grassy hillside in such a way that there was a deep shadow underneath
it. Bingo!
The hunter looked
around for snakes or anything else in that shadow, didn’t see any,
and so he crawled into its depth on his hands and knees. He shrugged
out of his pack, propped his rifle standing up against the stone easily
to hand at his right side. He put his back against the cool stone.
His eyes wanted to
close, but he was hungry. In the pack he had a two litre bottle of
water, some jerky, and a pound of almonds. The hunter didn’t eat
junk. So the meat and nuts and water would have to do for lunch.
He managed to put
his things back into his pack after eating, and he slept. After a bit he was
uncomfortable, so he lay flat, using his pack for a pillow. He didn’t
want ants in his ears or anything like that. It was his last sleepy
thought.
Ah, but someone, or
several someones, had their eyes on the sleepy man. They knew they
couldn’t handle him while he was awake, so they waited for sleep to have him
firmly in its grip. It wasn’t long before he was out cold.
Five of them came
out of their concealment. It didn’t take much to hide one of them.
They would have been hard to discern among the scrub and rock in any
case. They were tanned dark brown and naked. Their general
configuration was humanoid, but only about a foot and a half tall.
Wild black hair covered their heads and grew over their backsides
like a pelt. They had sqwunched up, greedy looking little faces with
black little eyes and possessed large canine teeth. Gnarly might have
been the most apt descriptor.
Each one carried a
coiled length of homemade rope. It seemed to have been fashioned of
long hairs gleaned somehow, and long dry grass.
Fin and Nr each
approached one of the sleeping hunter’s shoulders, apparently with
an eye to fastening a line to each of his shoulders.
“It’s big,”
said Fin.
“Not
too big. Looks tasty!” said Nr. “Len, get a leg
hooked up! Ov, you get the other one!”
Zur had been
elected to sit on the man’s chest and hold his head up so he could
be dragged off. Things were looking pretty good for a clean capture.
“There’ll be
feasting tonight!” said Fin.
The hunter didn’t
have long enough hair to hold onto, so Zur rigged his head up with
some of that rough line, and was just getting settled in. All of them were ready for the hauling.
But just then
someone else arrived. A very large someone. Someone with a disgusted
look on his big face. His lips curled and he spat off to the west.
“Rock Grunts!”
he said. “Dirty, rotten, stinky, stupid little Rock Grunts!”
Five little
stinkies looked up in dismay and scattered, leaving their little
weird ropes behind.
The hairy giant,
watched them as they ran He shook his head and spat again.
“Ew,” said the
giant.
“I wonder if
the kids would like this one?” he asked himself. “Of,
course they would!” he answered his own question. “He’s
just the right size for a pet!”
He wasn’t very
worried about the man’s opinion of the matter. Who checks with a
creature to see if it wants to be a pet. A pet’s status is
determined by the possessor of said pet. No? Yes!
The big guy
carefully removed and tossed aside the Rock Grunt’s little hairy
ropes and hoisted the hunter up onto his shoulder with the man's head
hanging down behind. He was careful not to damage the man. He wanted
him to survive the trip to the cave.
When our man
finally woke he couldn’t understand where he found himself. He was
hanging over the back of a very large hairy and muscular walking
creature. His head flopped as the giant marched along. This was going
to take a minute to figure out he realized as he bounced with each
step.
It was making him
so sick to his stomach that he could hardly think. It didn’t help
that the giant smelled like vinegar, musk, gym socks, and something
else too. It didn’t help at all. And his nose kept hitting that
long hair as they bounced along.
“Hey,” said the
hunter.
“Mmm?”
said the giant.
“Put me down,”
said the hunter.
The giant laughed
and kept going. “Later. Down later,” he said.
“Where are we
going?” said the queasy hunter desperately.
“Hm?” said the
big guy.
After some more of
this sort of thing, they came to the entrance of a cave. It was a low
oval opening, relatively low, sandwiched between layers of outthrust
sedimentary rock. Maybe it had been a large bubble?
“No!” said the
hunter, as they entered the cave.
The giant put the
hunter on the floor. “Down, now,” he said, in his own
language of course.
Mama Hairy Giant
appeared, center stage, about then.
“What’s that
for?” she demanded looking down upon the stunned hunter. “It’s
not edible!”
“The Rock
Grunts had him lashed up and were going to drag him underground and
eat him, Honey! I saved him for the kids to play with!”
expostulated Mr. Hairy Giant.
“Hm? Really? I
wonder what those taste like?” said she, questioning eyebrows
up. You could almost imagine her thumbing her butcher knife.
Now, our hunter
couldn’t understand their language but he didn’t like the tone of
it at all.
“Hold up,
Honey! I carried this guy home for the kids,” said Mr. Hairy
Giant. “To play with! Look how cute he is!”
“Cute?” yowled
Mrs. Hairy Giant, “You think that’s cute?”
Right on cue Little
Hairy Girl appeared from somewhere in the back of the cave. “OH!
Oh! He’s so cute! Can we keep him, Mama? Daddy?” she squealed
in a high yodel.
“I was
thinking of trying to cook him,” said Mama.
“NOOOOO! I
want him!” whined Little Hairy Girl. Then Baby Hairy lying
somewhere off stage starting yelling at the top of his lungs in
solidarity and for general purposes.
“Fine, play
with him for a couple of days. But you have to feed him. Then we’ll
eat him!” said Mama Hairy Giant.
Mr. Hairy Giant
wasn’t paying attention to the negotiations because he had noticed
an odd thing at the entrance to the cave. It was a light that didn’t belong there. It looked like the moon had come to see them for
some reason. As he stared as it, it grew into a shining sphere. It
was pinkish and covered with swirling designs. It quite mesmerized
Mr. Hairy Giant.
It moved nearer the
family group and our hunter who was still sitting on the stone floor
of the cave. At that point all eyes were on it, not each other, or
the captured hunter.
It expanded until
it seemed to hold about the same volume as a VW Beetle, but rounder of course. It settled
down low, handy to the hunter where he sat.
A voice that seemed
to come from nowhere in particular, but mercifully spoke American
English said, “Get in while you have a chance!”
“How?” said he.
“Just stick a leg
in and follow that leg! Now!” said the voice.
Meanwhile the Hairy
family watched with mouths hanging open, stunned.
The hunter hopped to his
feet. “In for a penny, in for a pound,” he said and stuck a leg in, and then followed the leg all the way inside the shining sphere.
There he found himself sort of floating in a thin pink vapor. It
smelled like strawberries, maybe.
“Now what?” he
said.
“Oh, I’ll take
you back to your buddies. They found your stuff under that rock and
are wigging out and have called for a search and rescue,” said the
pervasive voice. “If we hurry we can put a halt to that.”
“Um, what was
that all about back in the cave?” said the hunter.
“The kid wanted
you for a pet. The old lady wanted to cook you, as an experiment. The
old guy saved you from the Rock Grunts.”
“WTH, are Rock
Grunts?” said he.
“Sort of like
faeries, eastern OR variety. They wanted to eat you too. So you owe
Big Hairy for that one,” said the voice.
“I don’t
believe in Big Foot,” said the hunter, as if reassuring himself.
“You do too! Face
facts. Come on…” said the orb voice with a light dry chuckle.
“I didn’t want
to,” he said.
“A word of
advice. Don’t take naps in Rock Grunt and Hairy Giant territory. We
have to pull somebody out of that scene every once in a while,” the
voice went on.
“I don’t know
what you’re going to tell your friends, when you wander into camp.
You’ll have to think of something that works for you guys, OK?”
“Right,” said
the hunter.
The pink orb let
him out near camp, but out of sight of the guys.
He turned back to
say, “thanks,” but the orb was gone.
He frowned. “Did
that happen?” Then he walked over to meet his friends at camp.
It would be truly interesting to know what he told them!