The Way It All Turned Out

 

 
            It was a fine pickle Ralph found himself in. He was in that rather middle-aged spot, so well-known by the Hairless.   
            Ralph was torn between his cheerful insouciant appetite for all the good things of life, but also his desire to appear as he always had, sleek, lithe, and breathtakingly powerful. Poor Ralph.
            And yet, somehow, an idea kept tickling his mind. It was unformed but he was working on it. The equation seemed flawed somehow. It seemed like Hairless mythological consensus of some kind. It didn’t add up for Ralph.
            “I can talk their talk, but they can’t walk my walk,” he said to himself. He hummed a kind of emphatic little tune, then sang the words with it. He liked it.
            The planet rolled over a couple of times. Ralph ate at home. Ramona didn’t bake biscuits, Thaga, being put in the know, did not send over any of those 8 inch in diameter cinnamon rolls.  Nobody said the words Honey Bear in his presence, even if they thought of it and giggled.
            Ramona ran out of coffee. Ralph really wanted a cup.
            He decided that this called for a visit with Rick over at the station. That was really just about all, he didn’t have any serious business to discuss with Rick, though he thought it might be fun to hear the gossip in the camp about the huge brown bear that had made such a ruckus in the campground a few days before.
            “Mona, my dear, I believe I shall go see Rick and have some coffee while I am there,” he said.
            “Oh, nice,” said faithful Ramona. “Why don’t you take a little run through the forest first?”
            “What an excellent idea,” Ralph said. “That’s just what I will do, then loop around to the station.”
            Now, Ralph doesn’t thump the ground like some of those guys you hear about. He has special hips, and special knee joints, and his feet are made to land softly. So, when he took off, first up to the big meadow, running past his log he made a splendid sight. His kingliness in full display he slipped up the path. He took a loop near the Alder Tree House, noting that they were indoors, so he didn’t stop.
            He ran through the woods to the smaller, wilder meadow, pacing himself, until he got to Bob’s Stump House, where he found Bob and Maurice working on a song about the mythical Honey Bear.
            “Why are you running, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob.
            “I’m on my way to see Ranger Rick,” said Ralph.
            “Do you want to hear our new song?” asked Bob.
            “Sure, I can stop for a minute. What’s it about?” said Ralph.
            “It’s the Honey Bear Polka!” said Maurice, starting right into playing it.
            “Hey, I know what,” said Ralph, “listen.”
            So, while Maurice played the tune to the Honey Bear Polka Ralph sang,
                        “I can talk their talk,”
                        “But they can’t walk my walk!”
            “That’s true, Ralphie,” sang Uncle Bob, looking happy as heck.
                        “Who can walk my walk?” sang Ralph, while Maurice went for it!
                        “I can walk my walk!
                        “So, watch me walk!”
                        “I know things they don’t!”
            “That was fun, Ralphie,” said Uncle Bob.
            “Yes, it sure was! Now I gotta keep going!” said Ralph and he headed out for the ranger station at a full smooth lope.
            Of course, he had to come up through the forest, and check that the coast was clear before popping out from behind the station dumpster. It looked wide open, so he slipped right over to the door, knocked, and stuck his head in.
            “You there, Rick,” Ralph sang to the tune of the Honey Bear Polka.
            “I’m right here, Ralph. Why are you singing?” said Rick, seated at his desk.
            “Oh, Maurice and Uncle Bob started it. It’s hard to stop it, once started.”
            “Fair enough,” said Rick. “Want coffee?”
            “Yessir, I do. Hey, anymore talk about the big bear in the camp?” said Ralph.
            “Not much. Campers come and go. This new bunch doesn’t know what happened. And the bear hasn’t been back. Hannah was a little mad when she found out, but relieved that it was just you playing bear.”
            “Yeah, she probably didn’t like being scared,” said Ralph.
            “I have cherry turnovers today!” Rick said suggestively
            “What a lovely idea, I’ve never had a cherry turnover,” said Ralph, grabbing a seat, while Rick brought him some coffee in one hand, and carried the Tupperware box of turnovers out in his other hand.
            When Rick got to where he could see all of Ralph, he said, “What the heck happened, Ralph? Last time I saw you, you had a belly like a pre-hibernation grizzly bear!”
            “Ah, Rick,” Ralph said, smiling like the Buddha, “It’s good to be king of the Forest Giants!”
            “I have to believe what I see, Ralph, but…” said Rick, just standing there.
            “What can I say?” said Ralph, taking a little sip of Rick’s terrible Safeway coffee.

👑

Nottabear, But Close!

 

🐻

 
            You know how it is. Suddenly, you just notice something you hadn’t been noticing. Then suddenly, there it is. In this case, it was Ralph’s tummy, and Ramona was doing the noticing.
            One early morning, just as she was waking, she noticed a big round thing right behind her under the quilt.
            “Bear!” thought Ramona, as she leapt out of bed. But when she looked back to the bed there was only Ralph. Rather a lot of Ralph. In fact, he had gotten rather rotund in his middle.
            As she stood there studying his tummy in the half light of their home cave, she wondered how it had happened. Not much had changed. Well, maybe.
            He still went out hunting, or fishing every day. He gathered firewood every day. Ramona just didn’t see how he could grow a bear’s tummy when he was so hardworking.
            She thought about the food she cooked. It was mostly fish, or soup, or eggs, or a roast of some kind. She thought maybe it was the cooking that did it! Oh, dear! It had been a long many years since they had eaten uncooked food like their ancestors.
            Ramona shuddered delicately, and went outside to work on her fire.
            When Ralph woke and yawning, wandered out to sit by the fire. It occurred to Ramona, looking at him, that an observer might actually mistake her Ralph for a bear. Embarrassing.
            “Baby,” she said, “why do so many Hairless men have such big bellies?”
            “Um. Beer? I don’t know for sure. What are you saying, Mona?” he said looking down at his own mid-section.
            “Well, I hope learning to cook didn’t make you look like one of them, Baby,” said Ramona. “I don’t really feel like eating raw fish and meat and stuff, do you?”
            “I don’t either, really. Though we could. Do you think it would help?” asked Ralph.
            “Can you think of anything else that makes humans look like bears?” said Ramona, not tipping her hand. She’s like that.
            “Maybe human food makes human bellies, Mona. I just love that junk, but I do kind of look like a bear. Maybe a Honey Bear!” he said, giggling. “Actually, I have an idea. Maybe when I go see Rick, I should just have the coffee! Surely, coffee never made anyone look like a bear, did it, Mona?”
            “I don’t see how it could,” she said.
            “Well, I know it wasn’t your good food. It was something else, and I think I know what. I’ll stick to coffee when I visit Rick, and lay off snitching Doritos, sad as that is!” he said.
            “I hate it when I run and all this jumps up and down. It’s not right. I’m supposed to glide!”
            “I know, Baby,” said Ramona. “I’ll stop making biscuits, and you don’t eat all Rick’s goodies and in no time, you will be just like you were before!”
            So, for breakfast they had coffee and some eggs and a bit of leftover venison. Not a carbohydrate in the bunch!

🍁🍵🍁

Suzy's Dilemma

 

            “OK, Suz, dish,” said Toots, firmly. “Just exactly what’s pulling your tail?”
            “Funny you should mention my tail,” said Suzy. She was in full retreat under some unstated piece of furniture at the time.
            “What’s funny about it?” inquired Toots.
            “Well, it’s my tail. They don’t actually pull it, but they sure do chase it, and Toots, they are so big now, I just run and hide!”
            “I see. Have you considered standing your ground?” Toots looked thoughtful.
            “I think the both of them would run right into me. I don’t know? Maybe they think they could eat me!” said Suzy.
            “No, Honey. I understand that you are dealing with a reflex that comes natural to me too. But I’m pretty sure it’s a game for the big stupid kittens. I think that if you put your paw down firmly and faced them without running away, well, where’s the fun in that for them. You would suddenly become just a little old lady cat who wouldn't put up with their foolishness.
            “I’ve heard the word dumheit used around here. I think I get the sense of it. That’s what they’re doing and they need a firm paw taken with them!” said Toots.
            “But, Toots, I don’t know how to change my basic nature!” cried Suzy. “When those big strong, fast kids come running at me, well thinking is over with. I turn tail!”
            “I like to think that I wouldn’t do that. But I might. There are things on the cosmic breeze sometimes that make me just hide until it’s over, whatever it is,” said Toots.
            “What I’ve been doing is screaming as loudly as I can when one gets too close to where I have hidden,” said Suzy. “She calls them out, and they back down. But it’s a temporary reprieve. Though today, I had a nice quiet time in the bedroom with the door closed, and my own bowl of food. She did that for me.”           
            “I can feel that you feel there is no solution, but maybe there is. You know what I’m thinking don’t you?” said Toots.
            “Yeah, I do. We two are gathered together, so it’s time to Purr™ about this. Maybe the Great Sire of all cats will take notice of my dilemma, Toots.”
            “I’m sure of it, and I’m sure things will improve. If nothing else, the Scouts will grow up and not be so silly,” said Toots.
            “We should contemplate peace,” she added.
            So the girls, each in her separate place, so far from each other, shut their green eyes, put their noses down on their forepaws and Purred together, as one, for peace between Suzy and the Bengal Brothers.

AMEN!

❤️

The Scourge of Maple Heart Camp

 

            So, Bill Erickson, Arlington High School science teacher, stepped out of his RV to take the air a little. It had gotten dark while he and April were in there making and eating dinner. While smoking, he noted one other camping rig, and four tents. Seemed to Bill like a rather cold time of year to be tent camping. Maybe they had their love to keep them warm, he thought, amusing himself.
            He was just thinking about how remarkably quiet it was in the mountains at night, when he heard rustling behind one of the tents. It was the dark one, no light shone through the nylon.
            “What is that?” he asked himself and listened closely. There were footsteps, but not the famous night time bipedal steps one hears of. Nope. Shuffling, hesitant, definitely four-footed steps. Likely a bear, Bill thought.
            Then he saw it, the doggone biggest bear Bill had ever had the honor of being in the presence of. He held his breath and considered bolting in to April and safety, but something made him wait and watch.
            A huge ursine silhouette padded around to the door side of the tent. It seemed as if the bear must have bitten the zipper pull, for the next thing was that the door was unzipped and half of the bear was in the tent. There was a bloodcurdling scream, and the bear beat a quick retreat with a crinkly sounding bag of something in its jaws. There was some more screaming, some masculine yelling, a lamp came on, and a man stood outside the tent, hands on hips, before climbing back into his tent and rezipping the entrance.
            Bill later swore, he heard laughter as the bear hotfooted it back into the deep brush before the tree line.            
            The next morning was a busy one for Ranger Rick.
            There were two men waiting to see him when he drove into the station parking area. He saw them before he parked, and thought, “Here we go!”
            Bill, the older one, felt that it was his duty to report a rogue bear in the area.
            Mike, the younger camper, wanted to report a bear which had stolen his bag of Doritos and scared the beans out of his wife, Louella. “Its big fat face was right there!” he said.
            Bill told Mike that he had heard the whole thing, and said, “What were you laughing about after that?”
            “I wasn’t laughing,” indignant Mike said. “I was the kind of mad you get after being scared silly!”
            “Somebody was laughing out loud, and it wasn’t the bear!” insisted Bill.
            Rick took their reports cheerfully. He said they had never had a bear cause serious trouble at Maple Heart Camp, and that he would be on the lookout for the rascal!
            Most of that day, a Tuesday passed without incident, after the morning reports.
            Bill and April decided to stick around and give the camp another chance. It wasn’t their Doritos that went missing, after all.
            Mike and Louella also decided that they were no worse for the wear really and remained.
            There was more excitement Wednesday morning. When Rick got to work, the lid of the dumpster was flopped back. Rick repositioned it, then walked into his office.
            Hannah called Rick on his mobile. “I woke up at midnight and was hearing something, so I looked out my kitchen window, and there was a bear the size of a VW Bug walking right down the middle of the campground parking area, Rick!” said Hannah, sounding just a bit edgy. “A bear that big could do anything it wanted, and nobody could stop it, Rick!”
            “Oh, Hannah, are you sure you were really awake?” said Rick. “I’ve never seen such an animal here and I’ve been working here for twelve years.” He said soothingly. He grinned at the phone in his hand.
            “If there is bear trouble, I’m out of here!” she said, signing off.
            When Dexter got to the office, Rick said, “You know who that bear was, right?”
            “Should I tell Hannah?” said Dexter.
            “Maybe you better,” said Rick. “Maybe I should talk to Ralph.”
            Then, just as if his ears had been burning, Ralph stuck his head in the office door.
            “Hey, Rick. Hey, Dexter,” he said. “How’s it going? Any bears in the camp here?” He squeezed the rest of himself through the door and took his accustomed seat. He smiled benevolently at both men.
            “You blew your cover a little bit by guffawing when you ran off with the Doritos. But it will blow over. Nobody will believe him anyhow. He looks like he’s tripping,” said Rick. “Did you see the crazy Fu Manchu whiskers on him?”
            “Oh, the smoker outside the RV?” said Ralph. “I love Doritos. Can’t get enough. Milly brings me some sometimes.”
            “Nobody can get enough Doritos,” said Rick, “that’s what’s wrong with them. Hey, did you ever catch up with our original Honey Bear?”
            “Won’t happen again, Rick,” said Ralph.
            “You sure?” said Rick, brightening up.
            “Oh, and I think I muddied the waters enough! Big brown bear in camp must equal Honey Bear in camp! Aren’t words fun?” said Ralph with his fingers laced over his tummy and a big grin on his face.
            Rick still had most of his birthday cake out in the kitchen nook. So, between the three of them they finished it off, with lots of awful Safeway coffee. The cake was good. Chocolate with lemon buttercream icing.
            Rick gave Ralph the candles to take home to Ramona for fire starters.

🍂🐻🍁

Summer's Perfect Rose

 

There is no way to choose the best of summer.

Each unfolding perfect in its way.

Color; profound, deep, or delicate and dreamlike,

So soon a memory,

When rain comes again,

And skies are grey.

Perhaps with snow.

❄️❤️❄️

Who Goes There?

 

            Rick’s kind of an old-school guy in some ways. So, this Monday morning, as he settled down at his desk, he had the Monday paper in one hand and his coffee in the other. It was still nice and quiet in the ranger station office. Dexter hadn’t appeared. All serene.
            Then he opened the paper, scanned the front page type news, including the national catastrophes. He turned the page, and began to read some local stuff. Ho-hum!  
            One headline came at him like a bolt out of the blue.

Honey Bear Sighted in Maple Heart Campground

            Rick sat up straight! Maple Heart Campground was right where he was sitting right that very second. This was news to Rick, as well as to readers of the Milltown news.
            “What’s a Honey Bear, for Heaven’s sake?” Rick asked himself. But he had a bad squirrely feeling in the very bottom of his gut. He read on.
            The character who said he saw the Honey Bear, was a farmer from flyover country visiting the PNW. Now, he didn’t explain what one was, but apparently it was important enough to get ahold of the sheriff’s dept and make a report.
            “But not me?” said Rick. He read on. This sighting had occurred in the evening. OK. So, He hadn’t been in the office. OK.
            Dexter arrived on lightly tripping feet with a goofy look on his face.
            “What’s a Honey Bear? You got any idea?” said Rick.
            “Um. Kid’s cereal?” said Dexter.
            “Nope. Some goober says he saw one Saturday night in the camp here. It was enough of a big deal for him to call the sheriff’s dept and make a report. You don’t suppose..?” said Rick, staring off into the middle distance and feeling his sense of ease draining away.
            “You’re thinking that might be farmer talk for one of these Forest People?” said Dexter, losing the goofy grin. “Maybe you better talk to Ralph.”
            “Yeah, we know who’s really the boss around here,” agreed Rick.
            Therefore, Rick went out to his service vehicle, took a seat behind the steering wheel, and beeped out an SOS on his horn, and then waited.
            In about 17 minutes Rick could see Ralph standing right inside the tree line. He was gesturing to Rick to come to him. OK.
            Rick piled back out and went into the forest.
            “You got an emergency?” said Ralph.
            “Do you know what a Honey Bear is? There’s a story about a Honey Bear sighting here in the camp in the paper this morning. It doesn’t sound good. It sounds like some farmer was talking about one of you guys,” said Rick. “It was two nights ago, so he says.”
            “Hm, that does sound suggestive,” said Ralph. “I’ve never been called a Honey Bear, but you never know what these old timers might come up with!” He was giggling, hugely, which is truly awesome.
            “I betcha I know who it was. I told him that the campground was off limits. OK, let me think.”
            Ralph leaned on a tree; Rick waited. Maeve flew over but didn’t stop.
            “I know how to fix this, Rick. Tell you what. I’ll make myself look like a big old goofy bear and tonight I will raise enough of a ruckus in the campground that I will be seen. Problem solved. It was a bear! Of course, it was a bear! Simple!” said Ralph. “The next thing I will do is get ahold of who I think the culprit is and have a nice long talk with him about blowing MY cover in addition to his own,” said Ralph.
            “Why are we standing in the trees?” said Rick.
            “I just had a feeling, yanno?” said Ralph. “I feel elusive today.”
            “Who am I to doubt it,” said Rick. “So, you think that will work? Settle the public mind, the little dears?”
            “Remember, Rick, it’s always a bear. No matter what they say they saw, no they d’n’t. They saw a bear! Just play dumb, whatever you know!”
            “I can do that,” said Rick. Assuaged, he went back to his office. He threw the paper in his wastebasket, and got a fresh cup of coffee.
            “Everything OK,” said Dexter, who had waited to hear the word from Ralph.
            “Pretty sure, might take a day or two,” said Rick, opening his laptop and starting to poke around in it.
            Now, when Ralph got back home, in the bosom of the Great Forest, he said hi to Ramona.
            She said “Hi, Honey,” and Ralph cracked up.
            It took a couple of minutes for him to settle down enough to explain.

🧡🐻🧡

✡️5787 Coming Up, New Year Greetings!✡️

 

            You’ve all been very good sports. It’s been a lot of fun, tossing quips back and forth and posting this and that. It’s been quite a learning experience writing all those stories too.

            It seems like a good time to say thanks, here at the end of an old calendar year. As you may know, Rosh Hashanah begins tonight at sundown. According to Chabad.org, it celebrates the creation of Adam and Eve! Tradition, eh!

            In addition to my thanks, I have a question. Do any of you have any suggestions for the MEOW staff? What would you like to see in the near future?

            Also, I welcome contributions from you readers!

            But, most of all I wish you all the very best, and I continue to pray that God blesses you. I also hope the weather improves, sincerely!

 Love, pbird

🍂💚🍂