How Ralph Won All Those Rolls of Quarters

 

           Now, as it happened Ranger Rick, guardian and watchman over the Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie National Forest, thought rather highly of his own physique. He was given to uniform shirts with tight short sleeves, all the better to show off his erstwhile gym rat biceps.

            A gym rat no more, his muscles had deepened and matured as a result of the requirements of his chosen profession. IOW, he had to move a lot of heavy stuff, if the heavy stuff fell over on his watch.
            Perhaps he let his pride run away with his head. We shall see.
            Rick liked things tidy. He didn’t approve of loose change lying around on or in his desk or his vehicle. So he rolled his quarters, dimes, nickels, but didn’t bother with pennies. Those he always dropped in the change jar at shops he frequented.
            Neatly arranged in the shallow, wide drawer of his desk, was a row of a good dozen rolls of quarters. The dimes and nickels were ranged in rows behind.
            Sometimes he just looked in the drawer to make sure everything was still shipshape in there.
            Of course, Rick knew Ralph, though he tried not to. His denial was actually helpful to Ralph. Rick always adamantly insisted that there were no cryptids of any description in his park! Most people went with that. For actually, who should know better than the ranger on duty out in the woods where cryptids are said to roam?
            Ralph’s very existence challenged Rick. Ralph made him feel somewhat inadequate. This worked on him, as he was going about his business.

            So, one day when Rick was down by the river rolling boulders to better positions or some such, he stood up, wiping his hands on his shorts, just in time to see Ralph watching him from a nicely situated glacial erratic, (boulder), somewhat further up the riverbank.
            “Hey, Rick,” said Ralph, “what’s up?”
            “Not much, “ said Ranger Rick, feeling a little bit caught out.
            “Really? What makes a man move boulders?” Ralph was chuckling.
            “Some of the lady park visitors asked if they could be moved to better positions as stepping stones so they could cross the river.” Rick said this with a straight face. “They don’t like to fall in the river.”
            “Hmm. Some ladies love to fall in the river,” said Ralph.
            Rick conceived of an idea right then. He decided that it was time to set this Ralph character straight. Oh poor Rick.
            “Say, um, Ralph, I have an idea you might like,” said Rick, confidingly.
            “Oh, well, what’s that, Rick?” said Ralph.
            “Let’s go back to my office. I have a fine collection of rolled quarters, and they are all yours if you can beat me at arm wrestling!” announced Rick.
            “Are you kidding,” laughed Ralph.
            This made Rick madder than ever, in his passive aggressive way.
            “Not kidding at all, Ralph. I think I can beat you. You’re not worried are you?” said poor Rick.
            “Sure, that sounds like fun, Rick. But we have to have a witness. Surely you can see the wisdom in that?” said Ralph.
            “Alright! Call your witness,” said Rick, confidently.
            So, Ralph whistled for Maeve. They started walking back to the Ranger Station. Maeve would find them easily, of course, from way up in the air.
            When she caught up with them they were about to step indoors into Rick’s office.
            “Hey, old Black Leg, Ranger Rick and I have a little wager going, arm wrestling, and we need an honest witness to the outcome,” said Ralph.
            “You bet!” said Maeve, who loved a contest, though in this case she didn’t think there would be much of a contest.
            Rick pulled his desk drawer open to demonstrate the prize. Rick sat on his own office chair and Ralph just squatted on the other side of the desk. Maeve stood on the desk top where she could observe the action, if there was going to be any action. The two guys just kind of looked at each other for a couple of minutes. Finally Rick glanced out of the window.
            “OK, Rick, are you really going to make me do this?” said Ralph. “We can laugh and call it a joke. I won’t tell!”
            “Oh, fine! You’re right. Thanks for not wrecking my arm Ralph,” said Rick. He did look relieved actually.
            “Take the quarters! I have a little bag I used for carrying Doug fir seedlings around. You can put them in that. You don’t have pockets…” said Rick.
            So Ralph honored Rick by taking the rolls of quarters, never said a word to anyone about how he got them, and they were much better friends after that.
            Ralph swore Maeve to secrecy, but she wasn’t happy.
            “I wanted to see you beat him, Ralph,” she wailed on the way back home, sitting on his shoulder, as was her custom.
            “Darn it,” said Maeve, while Ralph laughed.