Advice To Squatch Hunters From Ralph, Himself

 

 
            Look, in case any of you sensible people know anyone who likes to go out into the forest looking to meet up with one of us, there are a couple of things you could tell them. It might not do any good, if they are really determined. I know it gets right in under their skin; oh I know it. But you can try.
            No. 1. Your standard Forest Giant doesn’t understand your curiosity. He finds undue nosiness, in humans, to be a moral failing. Not the most regrettable, but cringe worthy. If it didn’t annoy him so much to be hunted like a bear, as if, he would be embarrassed for you. Stop! You’re acting like a goof. You might be waking the babies, or scaring the girls.
            No. 2. You people are painfully easy to locate. You’re noisy, and smell weird. Your clothing and gear are astounding. Talk about gilding a lily, or maybe something about a pig’s ear. Doesn’t matter. If we want you to see us, you will see us!
            We’re hard to miss, if we want to make a point.
            OTOH, if you see a white deer or something that keeps hanging around. It could be one of us messing around. Maybe. Maybe not.
            He doesn’t find his own curiosity to be a failing. It makes perfect sense to him. Just the way it is. You guys are very entertaining.
            No. 3. Our general stance is not hostile. However, you gotta understand that our lives are about us. I think maybe humans and Forest Keepers inhabit two loosely related universes. Something like that, maybe. Anyhow, disturbances like people running through the woods with electronic gadgets, which make our ears ring, by the way, might get you some hostile blow back.

            By the way, hey listen. Don't throw things at any Hairy Bro. Their natural impulse would be to throw it back, or something even bigger! Their aim is exquisite too!

            Shooting is even stupider! You will just piss the guy off. Chances of your killing him are vanishingly slim. Don't do it! Run, scream, faint, whatever. Just don't shoot at a Forest Keeper, male or female.  Fun times in the forest will be over, and you might not survive.
            No. 4. If everything gets real quiet and you feel hinky, leave. Friendly encounters chosen by one us don’t feel hinky. We can make you feel that. It’s by way of a caution.
            No. 5. The best way to meet once of us is to provide an invitation. Act normal. Have music, cooking, a fire, (we like fires), don’t be so damn needy. Fun is very attractive.
            No. 6. There is some stuff you don’t get to know. Don’t ask me about orbs, aliens, little people, or any of that. Everything you guys guess is wrong.
            No. 7. This advice is mine. If you asked York or one of those deep woods guys, you might get different answers.
            I hope that helps. If it keeps somebody from being bluff charged and scared silly, my work will have been done here.
            Ramona and I wish you well, and I’m pretty sure she’s done frying all those sweet little trout I brought her, so I will skedaddle for now. See you later!

🤍🍀🤍