A Symposium Among The Cats for Purrsday

Ma'ii

 Who is this Hairy Man, and How does he do that Scary Stuff?

 
            “M’now!” said Suzy. “Is everyone here? Toots? Sammie?”
            “Right here,” said Toots. Sammie nodded. “******!”
            “Charley?” said Suzy, not expecting her to pick up really.
            “I heard you,” said Charley.
            “Buddy? You there?” asked Suzy.
            “I’m your cat!” said Buddy. “Merrrrow!”
            “I’m here too!” said Uncle Mr. Baby Sir. “Ahem, I  have some expertise in the matter.”
            “You do? Since when?” said Suzy, giggling.
            “Arizona. I rest my case,” said Mr. Baby Sir. “Been there. Done that!”
            “Done what?” said Suzy, losing focus completely.
            “Mrrrp!” A new voice entered the arena. “Serena here. I heard the call. May I enter?”
            “Of course, Serena! If you heard the invitation, it was meant for you too,” said Suzy.
            “Anyone missing?” said Suzy. “I mean anyone besides my dear brother, of blessed memory?”
            “Well, just the new kits,” said Toots. “How about them?”
            “I think we’ll just leave it open. If they have anything besides mewing to add, it’ll be allowed,” said Suzy. “All right then. To get to the subject at hand. Who is this Hairy Man? Anyone?”
            “I’ve actually seen some! Might be the same one coming again and again,” said Toots. “They slip down the highway like moon walkers under cover of darkness! I think they have extra joints because they don’t jog along, like a human person. They kind of emanate or manifest. It’s quite horrible!”
            “So! Since you’ve seen them, what are they?” asked Suzy. She already felt a little sick to her tummy at the description.
            “They look like big ugly people up to no good!” said Toots. “If they were kind and sweet would they be skulking down the highway at 2AM? No, I say!!”
            “Point in your favor, Dear!” intoned Suzy.
            Mr. Baby cleared his throat just then. Suzy nodded to him.
            “Ma’ii tells me that Mágítsoh is a man. A kind of giant. He lives in two worlds. He confuses modern man,” said Mr. Baby.
            “Who are we talking about here?” said Suzy.
            “Coyote, Ma’ii told me!” said he. “The natives in Arizona call the wild people Mágítsoh.”
            “I don’t like it!” said Buddy, speaking up suddenly. “Regular non-wild people are weird enough, given their heads!”
            “Good point,” said Suzy. “We’ve all heard the camping stories! Brrrrrt!”
            “I have an idea,” said Sammie, who had been silent so far. “What if people believing in them makes them more visible? That means we will see them more and more!"
            “That could explain a lot!” said Toots! “Brrrrrtt!!”
            (General hubbub, meows and off record commentary…)
            “Miss Suzy,” said Serena, speaking up suddenly. “I don’t believe we have any Giant Hairy Forest men here! Bless all your hearts. We do have bears, ahem, and college students, if you get my meaning!”
            “That must be a comfort to you, Ma’am,” said Suzy. “We don’t have that luxury, I must say.”
            “Just roughly, I would say that we mostly agree that they are a type of man, bigger, and less technical. My sense is that they surely are confusing. It probably has to do with wave lengths. Cats see more than our people do, but we don’t see it all, unfortunately. Is this mostly agreeable to you all?”
            (All vote Aye.)
            “Right then. Now. The things they do. Anyone?” continued Suzy.
            “It strikes me,” said Buddy, “that the things they do, that we know they do, function as self defense tactics. There is, by definition, everything else they do, which also, by definition, we don’t know!”
            “That’s like saying ‘if it’s not one thing, it’s something else!’” said Suzy. “Now you’re confusing me too!”
            Mr. Baby cleared his throat in a professorial sort of way, for attention.
            “My source, Ma’ii, told me, quite authoritatively, that the smells described from time to time, the sense of dread, the immobilization experiences, all of that are tactics to allow the Hairy Giants to escape safely, or to protect one of their children from discovery. That sort of thing.
            “This includes the odd noises, howls, whistles and such, which are also used to communicate among themselves. I, however, think he’s pulling my whiskers over that point. I am of the understanding that they are in constant telepathic communication. So the noises are just more special effects for Man’s edification and benefit.
            “He couldn’t tell me in biological terms how they do those things, however,” said Mr. Baby, who then fell silent.
            “IOW, you don’t know, and neither does your buddy, Coyote!” said Susy.
            “Pretty much,” said Mr. Baby.
            “I posit that the whole phenomena could be explained in perfectly natural ways,” said Serena, “if only you wanted to.”
            “You must remember,” said Toots, “that I have seen them with my own eyes, my dear. There’s no explaining that away.”
            “I’ve smelled them!” said Sammie. “Eau d Sweat Socks and Dragon Barf, with some City Dump mixed in.”
            “It is hard to argue against direct personal experience,” admitted Serena, graciously.
            “Well,” said Suzy, “in conclusion, I guess we have addressed the situation, even though our conclusions are not so very conclusive. We must continue to keep our senses on guard, our eyes and ears open, and to raise holy hell if one gets in our houses. It’s the least, and probably the most, that we can do!”
            (General assenting purring and conversation among the members..)
            “OK, let’s call it! Thanks for your contributions! Stay alert! Our people don’t have our senses, and they need our help in so many ways, friends!” said Suzy.
            “Let’s Purr™ together for a moment,” said Toots.
            So, they did. The new kits added some mews and purrs, and everyone went off to pursue their own interests as evening fell.
            Outside, in the forests, fields and river courses, some canny Hairy Men smiled because only they knew their secrets, and they liked it that way.

🌿🤎🌿