A Public Service Announcement From Suzy & Toots

 

 
            I was sitting here, yesterday, minding my own business, tapping away intermittently, when I noticed that Suzy was up on the desk at my right elbow. She cleared her throat in a meaningful manner. Her little whiskers stuck straight out on either side of her face, looking significant.
            “I see you,” I said. “What brings you to my desk this afternoon, Suz?”
            “Toots and I have an important message for people,” she said. “It’s by way of a warning.”
            “Wow! All people?” I said.
            “Only some people,” she said, darkly.
            I turned in my chair, to get a good look at her. “What kind of people, pray tell, my dear?”
            “People Who Are Thinking of Getting Dogs! There I said it!” she said.
            “Alright, let’s hear it,” I said. “What’s the problem with getting dogs?”
            “Well, besides the fact that they are intrinsically repellent, to cats of course, they are, if left in their natural state, dangerous to other life forms. Brrrrt!” she said.
            “I can’t really argue against that. They are pack animals, natural hunters,” I agreed.
            “What we want you guys to know is that a pup is kind of like a dumb step-kid. If you don’t invest a lot of time training the dingbat, it will be a walking disaster, just waiting to happen. I could tell you a story or two, let me tell you, except that I won’t!” she huffed.
            “This is the cat’s eye view of dogs, huh?” I said.
            “You can break it down like this,” she said. “Dogs are not for lazy people! My goodness! A dog must know who is master. It’s part of his gestalt.”
            “Oh! Well, I had a lady wolf. You never met her, that was a while back. She didn’t need much training. She was naturally good,” I said.
            “A wolf is not a dog, and a dog will never be a wolf,” she intoned, giving me a look.
            “Ha! I imagine that you girls have something to say about cats too?”
            “Mew we do! Yes!” she sort of giggled, if you can imagine a cat giggling.
            “What’s funny,” I said, playing straight man.
            “Well, Lady, as you know, we cats are born perfect! Everything we need to know is already on board, just waiting to unfold as time goes on. A kitten is a world within itself, needing no instruction. All we ask of people is a warm spot to nap in, some food, and a convenient litter box, kept clean of course, or access to the whole world out there!” she announced. “Toots agrees, as does any cat you ask, even that Fluffbag!”
            “That’s pretty much what I thought you’d say,” I said, turning back to my keyboard. “Thanks, Suzy. I’ll pass it on!”
            Honestly, I was a bit surprised that she would, offhandedly, refer to the new kids as born perfect! I mean, that was the logical conclusion, right?

🐶