The Very Rude Awakening

 

            When Ribber Gof came to, he was three bags deep in the local landfill. He flexed those shovel-like hands of his and then cracked his knuckles thoughtfully. His exquisitely attuned nasal passages detected only the homely detritus of human daily life.
            “Bah!” said Ribber and he set to work digging out.
            The sun had gone down. It was dark. Ribber was pretty chirpy about that because he didn’t want to face down any feathery raptors, i.e. gulls.

            The big truck had hauled Ribber’s quiescent form to the Northwest County landfill in Arlington. As dumps go, it was up-to-date, quite spiffy, but still. A scent hung in the air, not the scent of gold. There was a ringing in his ears.
            He had been thwarted. It would not stand! “No, way!” gurbled the wee manikin.
            Though smelly and somewhat abraded here and there, he began running like Sonic the Hedgehog right back up Highway 530, heading for SR20 and Ranger Rick’s National Forest camp.
            As he ran, a marvelous thing happened. The smell blew off. His braid tidied itself, and his small wounds healed. He felt good. Sometimes its good to be Fae, sometimes it isn’t.
            Even in those early hours a few cars passed him. Drivers wondered if they were getting too sleepy or something. By the time they had passed the driver couldn’t really insist that they had seen a small form running along the pavement. It seemed as if the little person wore plaid, had a long silver braid, and maybe short leather trousers, and bare feet. It was too crazy to believe. Someone wrote it up, and sent the letter to that lady reporter at the Milltown paper, just for a laugh. He asked her if she knew anything about it, since she wrote about other mythic creatures. It should be stated that she actually had heard of such creatures, but wasn’t sure there was much to be said on the subject. “Maybe the less said, the better,” she thought.
            When he got up SR20 near the wide spot on the highway, he began smelling Ranger Rick’s Pesos again. He just had to skirt around the forbidden zone, the heart of the Great Forest.
Closer and closer. He felt great, full of confidence and expectation. Morning was coming on. The sky was lightening. Forest noises rose up. A curious wind blew through.
            But someone was up early. Someone who was always watching. A great black creature of the upper air saw the little form zipping along. She dropped down lower to get a better look.
            “Unbelievable, Evermore!” she muttered to herself.
            You can surely see how this is going.
            Maeve caught him up by the braid and rose back up into the air. On mighty wingbeats she set out to find Ralph. She flew right into the Home Clearing with Ribber hollering and begging for mercy.
            “Let me down,” he screamed. “Don’t take me to that hairy monster!”
            He made so much noise that he woke Ramona and then Ralph, himself.
            “Where’d you get that, Maeve,” said Ramona, eyebrows up in disbelief.
            “Bring it here,” said Ralph.
            She did, and Ralph grabbed Ribber by his big bare feet.
            “Tell me your name!” demanded Ralph.
            “I won’t,” squirmed Ribber.
            “You don’t want me to say it, for I can!” said Ralph. “If I say it all your powers will be gone. Say it, for your own sake, R…”
            “Ribber Gof, I’m Ribber Gof! Let me go, I’ll bring you gold!” sang the little twister.
            “Do you try to buy me off? Oh for shame, Plaidie. A bit of metal? What’s gold to me?” roared Ralph.
            Ralph held him like a captured rabbit, upside down.
            “The way I see it, Ribber, is you have a choice. You can have me sing the love of gold out of you, and go in peace. Or you can stay here forever in the Great Forest and serve me, but live!” laughed Ralph, seeing the potential humor in his own suggestion.
            “Oh, sing, Monster. Sing it,” shouted Ribber. “Don’t make me stay here and serve you! Oh, sir, not that!”
            And so it was that Ralph sang a song called What’s Gold To Me Anyhow? It was a fearsome song, and it cured Ribber of his greed and thievishness.
            Ralph set him down on the forest floor and watched him run away to the boulder by the river which is the Mouth of the Mountain. There he entered the underground forever.
            “Well, Baby, what a rude awakening,” said Ramona. Then she started building up her fire for the morning.

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